April 20 Richland, Wash. - Julie Anderson shot her way into my heart when she held up her hairdresser after a bad cut. In a scene better suited to an old-west saloon than a beauty salon, the gun-wielding grandmother demanded $100 and fired a round into her stylist's rear car window. She then fled to a nearby spa, where she calmly received a new cut - paid for with the stolen cash - before being apprehended by armed police.
No one was hurt, but she is under investigation for first-degree robbery and second-degree malicious mischief. Charging her at all is a mistake - she was acting in self-defense. (The report didn't say, but it's easy to suspect that she was simply trying to get the scissors in a final act of deranged desperation.)
If all else fails, her lawyers could plead temporary insanity because of errant shears. Anyone who has suffered a horrific haircut would acquit her. My most recent maiming occurred last Friday, leaving me with the worst hairdo - or rather hair-don't - I've had since sixth grade. I exited the "Hack and Whack Hair Shack" in tears, but pulled myself together quickly when I remembered the scriptural story of Samson whose hair granted him superhuman strength.
His devilishly deceitful lover, Delilah, destroyed him by having a barber shave his head while he was sleeping, causing his ultimate demise. Talk about a deadly 'do. At least my haircut - or my boyfriend - wouldn't kill me, but Samson's ruin caused me to consider the correlation between bad haircuts and bad relationships.
Staying in a comfortable, even if dysfunctional, couple is often easier than being alone, and to deal with bangs in your eyes than go bald. The truth is that being bald and being alone have a lot in common - most people can't pull it off.
The major problem with a bad haircut is that once it's done, it's over. You're SOH - S* Outta Hair. You can't reattach it to your head; you have to live with it.
But when it comes to relationships, we aren't as stuck. So why do we stay?
Probably because the only way to really fix it is to cut it off and start over, and breaking off a relationship is about as pleasant as wearing a woolen wig in the summertime. Troubled partners often treat their problems like a slipshod stylist. You might see three years' worth of hair on the floor or hear the razor buzz far too long, but instead of saying anything you boil in silent rage.
The next thing you know, your ears look lopsided.
But do you storm out? No. You choose to keep the peace. Ignoring the passage from sizzling passion to smoldering resentment has benefits: your bed is still warm on winter nights and there is a lack of drama queen scenes. But perhaps throwing a Julie Anderson-style tantrum is healthier for all parties involved. I am not advocating pulling a gun on your significant other, but speaking up can keep you from losing more than your hair. When dealing with a heinous haircut or a rocky romance silence is not the answer, so give 'em hell and yell.
However, if you find someone who will love you if you're bald, hold onto their hair.
Rebecca Miller is a senior in psychology. She can be reached for comment at miller.2791@osu.edu.
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