He is beautiful, charming, intelligent and honest. He is the perfect man, and also, my gay best friend.
The gay best friend isn't just some fashionable accessory. They are the supportive, straightforward kindred spirits who women value having in their lives. They want what we want: friendship. Although this is the way I feel, I wanted to find out what other women thought.
Josie Lee, a sophomore majoring in communication, said she believes that having gay best friends has helped her not only with self-esteem, but also with defining the significance of friendship.
"Having gay friends has shown me the source of what I value in friendship; they are the opposite sex, and still make me feel physically and emotionally comfortable without any sexual tension," she said.
Her gay friends also helped her evaluate other relationships in her life. "It made me realize that girls were kind of dramatic," she said.
Although some gay men carry the stigma of being dramatic, that is not the case in Lee's friendship. She said, "I don't look at them as gay; I look at them like my best friends." For Lee, it is beyond their sexual orientation, she values them because of the way they make her feel.
Ashley Smith, a senior majoring in international studies, agrees with Lee. She also sees past her gay best friend's sexual orientation. "He is like my brother, I do not equate him with gay," she said.
She also realizes the threat that a gay best friend can pose to romantic relationships. "[Boyfriends] get jealous because he is a guy. It causes a lot of fights. I don't know why they view it as a threat because he is not sexually attracted to girls," she said.
Smith said she believes that a boyfriend who has a problem with the relationship just needs to work it out with himself. She said, "Women are not going to change their boyfriend's mind, their boyfriend has to change his own mind."
Rob Kibler, has a girlfriend with a gay best friend and says that he is not bothered by the relationship. Kibler, a sophomore majoring in dietetics, said he feels that the best way to accept his girlfriend's gay best friend is by keeping him separate from their relationship. "I have not experienced any negativity in our relationship, because I have not concerned myself with their relationship," he said.
Kibler said he believes that speaking up when there is a problem is the best way to handle situations that might arise. "It does not bother me because I have set certain standards," he said. "If I feel uncomfortable with things they are doing together, I will voice my opinion."
For example, he found pictures on Facebook of his girlfriend and her gay best friend kissing. "I voiced my displeasure with those photos, and they were gone," he said. "I also mentioned that the behavior should not be continued, and it doesn't anymore."
Although boundaries can be important in retaining a healthy relationship, most gay men are not sexually interested in their female best friends.
Many gay men want to become friends with women who embody strength, resilience and willingness to overcome adversity, as they do everyday with their own sexuality.
Why do you think gays love celebrities like Madonna and Britney? They are strong women; survivors of public criticism and scrutiny. Gays can relate.
According to Keith Michael Denlinger, my gay best friend and a senior majoring in journalism: "I love powerful women. I don't want to take their clothes off, I want to put them in a corset to accentuate them," he said. "When I run my fingers through a girlfriend's hair, it's not an act of romance. Something was out of place and needed to be fixed."
Men can also have female friends who are gay.
Chris Dole, a senior majoring in political science, takes comfort in having a lesbian best friend.
He is a flirt and he admits it. "When I am out with my gay best friend, I can look at girls with her and say, 'She's sexy' without her getting mad," he said. "She will just nod and agree with me."
The importance in these relationships is the same: It is always good to hear the opposite sex's point of view when it comes to picking out a cute outfit, issues with another friend, or even future plans you might have.
The people involved in these relationships hope others will be more accepting. According to Smith, "The more straight men are around it, the less it will be an issue," she said. "We are a part of a new generation of acceptance, we have the ability to look beyond gender issues and sexual orientation and realize that some people just click."
Melissa Eisenberg can be reached at eisenberg.30@osu.edu.
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