"The value of a relationship is in direct proportion to the time that you invest in the relationship."
This quote by Brian Tracy is true of any relationship, but especially true of relationships where two people have different religious ideologies.
OSU alumni Maria Bibler and her husband, Jared, know how much work a relationship can be when faiths differ from each other.
Mrs. Bibler, a 2003 and 2006 graduate and now coordinator for the Office of International Affairs, met her husband at OSU while both were undergrads in international studies and involved in student advocacy groups. Friends first, the attraction was undeniable and the two found themselves falling for one another. Mrs. Bibler, however, knew the relationship may not be a possibility.
"I had never considered dating until he convinced me otherwise," she said. "I tried to explain to him the complications."
Mrs. Bibler was born and raised in India and followed the Muslim faith. As a Shiite, her faith and culture usually prefers arranged marriages within the same belief system. Her husband is a devout Mormon.
As the two began dating, religion was immediately discussed.
"It was a learning experience for both of us," she said. "I learned a lot about my faith because he was questioning some of the things."
Bibler began reading up on the Church of the Latter Day Saints while her husband did his own research on the Shia faith. As a non-practicing Muslim, the issue for Bibler was not so much her religion, but how her family would deal with the prospect of her dating a non-Muslim.
"Even though I don't practice, my mom was a big barrier," she said. "Her even conceiving the idea of me marrying somebody that was not going to be of our community was difficult."
As the relationship headed towards marriage, their differing religions became more of a hot topic.
"That was a really big issue," she said. "We had to talk about issues related to marriage and how it would work out."
Mrs. Bibler's faith requires a Nikah, a ceremony where vows are exchanged. The couple decided to forego this tradition, something that has had serious consequences for Mrs. Bibler when it comes to her community.
"The village leader told my mom I was excommunicated from the community," she said. "I can't go to different religious events."
The couple chose to have a non-denominational ceremony and were married at the Park of Roses in June 2006.
The day was a mix of both Mormon and Muslim cultures as there were some facets of both involved. Both families made food and Maria participated in the traditional festive dances and henna painting, something Mr. Bibler's family supported fully.
As with any marriage, the issue of children can be a challenging conversation. The couple has agreed to raise their children in the Mormon faith.
"I would rather have my child raised in a faith, I mean, no faith is probably not the best way," she said. "Because he knows more about his faith and practices it, when it comes to our kids, I'd rather have them raised in a religion that at least one of their parents understands, follows and believes in than them being raised in Islam because I myself don't understand a lot of things."
Despite the differing religious beliefs, Mrs. Bibler feels very welcomed by Her husband's family and his church. Although he and his family have never tried to influence her faith, she welcomes the experiences as a way to learn more about the Mormon religion.
"I read a book," she said. "But reading a book is much different than seeing how a religion is practiced."
Bibler attends the ceremonies with her husband's family whenever they visit his hometown. She feels at ease asking his family any questions that arise and as his family is very involved with the Mormon church, she feels the answers she receives from them are much more reliable than any that can be found in a book.
As for converting, for Mr. Bibler, it is not an option.
"He would never convert," she said. "He very much believes in what he believes."
Mrs. Bibler is unsure about her future religious beliefs.
"I wouldn't say it's not an option," she said. "At this point, I'm considering learning more. I think in the next few years when we have a kid I'll have a good idea where I stand in my faith."
Regardless of the differing faiths, the couple is respectful of one another's beliefs. Previous to their marriage, both agreed that the other could believe whatever they chose.
However, the religious differences do create a great amount of stress in their relationship, mainly due to dealing with the closeness between Mrs. Bibler and her family - especially her mother.
"It's constant thinking about how are we going to tell mom," she said. "We don't want her to get disappointed or sad and it adds to our stress because we're trying to figure out our lives and we need to make our own choices."
Mrs. Bibler feels her husband's personality is very much the reason their relationship is successful.
"I've never felt pressure from him. If I agree with my family on something and don't agree with him, he's totally cool with it," she said. "I think that's one of the problems with other relationships. He's very compromising and flexible."
The couple realizes the most important thing is being with each other, which makes everything else easier to deal with.
"If he wants to be with me, he'll always have to consider my family. He'll always have to negotiate his relationships with my mom, my grandma, my brother," she said. "And he's totally fine with it."
Amanda Forbes can be reached at forbes.34@osu.edu.
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