Bucks only second best

Michigan lost to Appalachian State in its season opener. Don't worry, I watched from the sideline as kicker Jason Gingell had his game-winning attempt blocked at the end of regulation.

I remember it, and clearly most of your campus does too. You bought enough T-shirts to clothe the entire Appalachian State student body.

Maybe you were still making fun of the "school up north" when your basketball team lost at home to Findlay, a Division II school. Thad Matta must have missed the memo Jim Tressel left for him: As a coach at Ohio State, you're supposed to schedule the bad Ohio teams to pad your record.

I shouldn't be too hard on you. If scheduling smaller Ohio MAC schools is what you need to go 10-1 with a home loss to Illinois, then keep up the good work. Still, I'm going to bet most of you wouldn't trade in your Mountaineer shirts (that's Appalachian State's nickname in case you didn't bother to dig that deep when looking to humiliate Michigan fans) for the Findlay equivalent.

It's OK, really. I've come to terms with the historic loss, but I don't think you have. I guess I can see why you get caught up on the subject, since Appalachian State has better admittance standards than OSU.

Which brings me to a crossroad in this column. I could delve into the academic excellence of Michigan compared with OSU. We could have a lovely conversation about where I'll end up working compared to you, but then the awkward topic of salary would probably come up, and I'd feel bad because I'll make more than you.

We'll skip that part, because between you and me, I don't want to be the bad guy. I'll just be the one with a better education.

So then, where does the other road lead?

It leads to Michigan's dominance over OSU on the football field. Oh wait, that really hasn't panned out since you guys hired Jim Tressel, a real class act. I always picture him as the used cars salesman who presents a beautiful car for such a cheap price. Unfortunately, the engine is missing pieces and the interior isn't as spotless as advertised. Still, Tressel's pretty close to owning Lloyd Carr over the past five years.

I'm not going to waste your time or mine - which is by far more valuable - with jokes about what Tressel likes to drink and wear (wine coolers and sweater vests, respectively). Those burns are unoriginal, and I'd rather not to stoop to your level of repetitiveness and stupidity.

Anyway, back to the game. I'm not going to sugarcoat how the last three years have felt for someone who goes to a school that doesn't sacrifice academics for athletic success. Well, at least not as much as OSU. I've never personally witnessed the Wolverines win "The Game." That especially hurts for someone who grew up in the glorious John Cooper era of Buckeye football. The current 0-3 streak doesn't help prove that being a Wolverine is better; but like the Michigan football team, I'm not afraid to address the negativity. I could pull out the overall lead Michigan holds in the all-time series. Or I could mention how much better Wolverines like Tom Brady and Charles Woodson have fared in the NFL compared with Buckeyes like Joe Germaine and Troy Smith. But that's not really relevant.

It looks like I'll just wait until after the game Saturday to explain exactly how to break a losing streak.

Don't worry, I won't be hard to find. I'll be just one of 110,000 congratulating you on a second-place finish in the Big Ten and wishing you an enjoyable trip to Orlando for the Capital One Bowl.

Kevin Wright is a writer for The Michigan Daily. He never really understood why the "the" is such a big deal in Ohio State's official name. You can send explanations to kpwr@umich.edu.