Listen carefully dear reader, can you hear music in the air? Barry Manilow, Dave Matthews Band, John Tesh; but where could it be coming from? Wonder no longer, the Masticator has discovered the latest source of whiteness in our area; Chipotle has come to town.
Pronounced SHI-pottle, this restaurant serves up some great Mexican cuisine in at atmosphere as Caucasian as the Republican National Convention. Thanks to its parent company, McDonald’s, we can all enjoy the great taste of Mexican food without all the messy ethnicity that usually comes with it. Co-Masticator Jarrod calls it a “Mexican Starbucks.” I think you’ll agree.
Chipotle features two clean, spacious dining areas. Smoking is prohibited and ramps provide easy wheelchair accessibility. Much of the décor is done with corrugated sheet metal, varnished wood and burnished metallic table-tops. Look, I don’t mean to be picky, but everyone knows that real Mexican cantinas put the corrugated sheet metal on the roof, not the interior! What Philistines.
Another faux pas is the bright lighting. Chipotle has a number of light bulbs shining without lampshades. Stare into a 90-watt bulb for a few seconds and you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Chipotle’s great $2 margaritas don’t do much to dim them either, believe you me.
While the atmosphere might be a bit contrived, I don’t have a single bad thing to say about the food itself.
We’ll start with the best, Chipotle’s barbacoa. This dish consists of “shredded beef braised with chipotle peppers, cumin, cloves and garlic in a giant flour tortilla with pinto beans, cilantro-lime rice, sour cream and hot tomatillo-green chili salsa.” It is everything a burrito is meant to be. First of all, it’s enormous, which definitely helps justify its $5 price tag.
Secondly, in addition to the base ingredients, you can stuff your burrito with fresh ingredients like lettuce, tomato, corn and extra salsa. Finally, partly because it simply brings more ingredients to the table, it just tastes better than the other burritos you can buy around here.
Jarrod tried it and responded, “I really like this, it has lots of goodies in it that I didn’t expect. The salsa and corn complement the texture and give the burrito a little more color.”
Eating huge burritos without spilling all over yourself can involve some tricky maneuvering.
For proper burrito safety, co-Masticator Brian writes, “It’s always important to use proper technique. Treat the burrito like you would a small infant. Support the base and the end facing you — remember — it can’t support itself. Then eat from the top and not the corners, or else you’ll end up getting it all over yourself.”
April tried the vegetarian burrito, commenting, “You know it’s a big burrito when you can bite into it and get sour cream on not one, but both cheeks.”
Go ahead, laugh.
Quinn ordered a chicken burrito and writes, “This is the best burrito I‘ve ever had. The chicken isn’t quite as good as their beef, but the salsa and toppings are fresh and combine well. I ordered a margarita with mine and it’s the best you’ll ever have for $2.25. There’s almost too much tequila, but it’s definitely restaurant quality.”
Winos on the go might complain, “But I can’t take a clear plastic cup of margarita outside! I’ll get busted for violating open container laws!” While the Masticator does not condone breaking state liquor laws, in the spirit of “spirit” conservation, I’ll bring you this tip. The police will certainly understand you bringing one home to a sick relative.
April comments, “Here’s a little tip for those of you who want a cheap margarita to go: Order one, along with a cup of water. Dump the water, pour in the margarita and there you go — one to go.”
Kendra and Erica sampled the Chicken Fajita Burrito. Kendra writes, “I like it, but I’ll get sick of it soon enough. I always get this burrito. Fajita burritos have grilled onions and peppers, while regular burritos have beans. One of the trickier aspects of the dish is the citrus flavor in the rice.”
Erica comments, “The free refills are cool and the workers are friendly.”
On a side note, I got an order of chips and guacamole with my entrée and was very impressed. Chipotle takes you beyond standard white-flour tortilla chips with their crispy, hearty golden chips. Combined with their creamy, well-balanced guacamole dip they were unstoppable. Try them yourself, you’ll see what I mean.
While it’s sad to see Mexican ambiance sell out to the corporate mainstream, at least the food’s stupendous. So button those khaki shorts, step into those Birkenstocks and walk, drive or Razor down to Chipotle’s. I’ll see you there.
Hank Mylander is a junior from Westerville in Information Systems. Can you think of a restaurant that you’d like to see “Masticated?” Please send your ideas, thoughts and suggestions to Mylander.4@osu.edu.
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