Spring Break. The seven days during which drinking is life, sex is everywhere and food is not needed is almost here, and we can thank God for that. At some point in time while God was busy creating men, women and the fruits of the Earth he found time to create a paradise. A place where all would want to go, this paradise he called "Spring Break." This is the week that we all live and breathe for, and finally it's here. I still remember the first words of wisdom that I received about Spring Break from my brother "beer then whiskey, you're being risky; whiskey then beer, need not fear." Those few words I held close to my heart during my trip to Florida. The first night out they proved true. While my friends were busy paying their respect to the Porcelain God, I was smiling and drinking my last beer. Then there was my uncle who use to always visit me before Spring Break. He would bring a care package for my roommates and me. It contained two cases of Blatz and a pack of condoms for us to enjoy and use while on Spring Break. Now that was a sign of family love and togetherness. Spring Break is a time when the inner-beast in people surfaces. The beast has many forms and numerous powers, some good and some ugly. The good powers are easy to detect, the ability to drink more beer than any other time of the year, sustaining life with no food and the ability to live in a world of lies for an entire week. The dark side of the beast lowers everyone's morals and standards. Beauty is no longer needed when your room is equipped with a "light switch." This is the one week when every possible option will be considered - the old, big, small, thin and the wide. And you know what - there's nothing wrong with that. Because everyone on Spring Break is doing the same thing. Just a bunch of crazy kids looking for some self-gratification. But beware if you plan on going to Florida for Spring Break. The Sunshine State has some strict sex laws. Sodomy is illegal to practice. So anyone with strange fetishes about the "butt" be on alert, it could cost you a night in jail. But then again, for people who like sodomy, a night in jail might provide the opportunity for practice. And don't forget that sex without being married is also illegal. So no sex on the beach unless it's the drink, and make those one night stands quick, which isn't a problem for most guys. Well, it's time to head to United Dairy Farmers and begin stocking up for Spring Break (one can never have too many cases of beer) after all Spring Break is only seven days away. And don't forget the next time you pray to say a special thanks to God for this paradise he gave us.
Tom Caudill Senior
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