Courtesy of MCT
When I would get ready for school in September back in my elementary days, my mother would always say to me, “No white after Labor Day,” to which I would answer, “What gives, Mother?” And yes, I said that as a child.
As I got older and started getting dressed for school without parental consent, I’ve always wondered, why can I not wear white after Labor Day? There is no law anywhere that says it’s illegal and if there really is a law, then call me a criminal.
From what I’ve heard through the grapevine and from little birdies, the whole “white after Labor Day” conspiracy has many different histories. I’ve heard that the white clothing has the tendency to contrast with peoples’ skin tones making them look completely pale-faced and unattractive, or that it does the complete opposite and blends their bodies in with the winter snow.
I’ve also heard that the nobility from medieval times, or one of those ancient centuries, refused to wear white because that’s the color the peasants wore in the winter. I guess their worlds would have completely come to an end if they were to ever succumb to peasant fashion, although I thought the peasants had a marvelous sense of style.
The last, and probably my favorite reason, was that a bunch of people at “Vogue” magazine just told everyone not to wear white in winter with no explanation. The best part about this is that people actually listened. It’s mind-boggling, really.
If you are one of those brave fashionistas that give up white clothing every early September, then I applaud you for sticking with the nonexistent rules of fashion. All I’m wondering now is when can you start wearing it again? Is it in spring? Easter? The first full moon of the third month of every other year? Too confusing for us simple folk.
However, I have to apologize to 13th century nobility and the fashion editors at “Vogue” because I am going to wear white after Labor Day and no one can stop me. Especially since Columbus is still doing that bipolar weather thing where it’s really hot in the middle of the day. I’m going to continue to wear my summer clothes until I freeze.
So everyone, join me, and together we can break this conspiracy once and for all, because I want to continue getting my money’s worth out of the white jeans I bought last week.