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Satire: Rapper Drake to become the next president of Ohio State

Drake attends the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on Aug. 25 in New York City.  Credit: Courtesy of MCT

Drake attends the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on Aug. 25 in New York City.
Credit: Courtesy of MCT

Ohio State officials announced last Thursday that rapper Drake will become the university’s next president, effective June 30.

Drake, born Aubrey Drake Graham, is set to permanently replace former President E. Gordon Gee and is the first rap and hip-hop artist to ever be appointed OSU president.

“You will see he’s going to make an excellent president. If not, at least he’ll be a really cool president,” said the presidential search committee’s chairman, Jeffy Witswork, of the Grammy-winning rapper with absolutely no prior experience in higher-level education.

As one of the top rappers in the game right now, Drake was a strong candidate because he knows how to get people “hyphy.”

“Our university has been under a lot a of scrutiny lately with the football scandal and President Gee’s resignation,” Witswork said. “Nobody can better get this party poppin’ again like our boy Drake.

“President Drizzy has worked very hard to get to where he is and I couldn’t be happier that he ended up here,” continued Witswork, speaking about where Drake started: from the bottom.

Prior to the announcement, Drake gave an exclusive interview with The Dim Bulb, speaking about his excitement to become a Buckeye.

“Look, college is important for your future success and my motto is that you only live once. Not everybody is gonna be a dope rapper like me. Like, I’m just trying to give everybody the opportunity to become a young money millionaire,” he said.

Drake, hot off of his fourth studio release and international tour, currently has an estimated net worth of $35 million, much more than his expected annual salary of $1 million at OSU.

“Money isn’t everything. I’ve made plenty off my music. Like I’ve already said, ‘I got money to blow,’” he said.

One of the main jobs of a university president is to continue bringing in financial support to the university. When asked how he plans to do this, Drake envisions the university will basically sell itself.

“I see all this money through my Ohio State Buckeyes,” he claims. When asked to further explain this, Drake responded, “I just want to be, I just want to be successful.”

Although still unofficial, sources claim one of the first things Drake plans to do as president is hire Lil Wayne, born Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr., to be a vice president.

At press time, it had been revealed that since Drake was announced the next president, nothing was the same. #NWTS

This is part of a series called “The Dim Bulb.” It is a weekly dose of satire, intended to poke fun at the university and affiliates. The contents of these articles are not factual and are not meant to be taken seriously.

2 comments

  1. Damn i am a big fan of yours so an must be nice

  2. It’s very simple to find out any matter on web
    as compared to textbooks, as I found this paragraph at this site.

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