I sat down in my recliner in front of a TV showing the Oscars, expecting to fall asleep within 15 minutes. That is what normally happens when I am confronted with those types of situations. It is my body's natural defense mechanism against boredom.
So I was pleasantly surprised when, after watching for a couple hours, I was still awake and entertained.
But, despite my surprise acceptance of the awards show, I still was able to find areas for improvement. Though I never would want the job, if I was responsible for running the Oscar ceremony, a few changes would be made. These are some of my provisions:
1. Limit the amount of thanks. After receiving an Oscar, a person is only allowed to thank five people. Nobody knows the people being thanked anyway, so it only makes sense to reduce them and save valuable time. An actor or actress who forgets to thank someone in particular would have an excuse because they were only allowed so many to begin with.
2. Decrease time for acceptance speeches. This goes along with No. 1, but is an additional time-saving mechanism. Along with the five thank-yous, winners will be allowed to give a speech equal in length to a 160-character Tweet.
3. Limit the cameras from lingering on any particular person. Granted, some people deserve more attention than others, but sometimes the camera takes this liberty too far. Viewers can only look at James Cameron or Maggie Gyllenhaal for so long before gouging their eyes out.
4. Group similar awards together. This also is meant for time purposes. It may seem like I am belaboring the point, but when it takes a show nearly four hours to hand out 24 awards, some trimming is necessary. Awards for sound editing and sound mixing will be combined into "Best Sound." The same will be done to original song and original score: "Best Music."
5. Group together awards that nobody cares about. Devoting entire segments to makeup, film editing and foreign language films is not going to cut it. These types of categories will be mentioned together and the winners will line up single-file to claim their Oscar.
6. Rearrange order in which awards are given. It seems senseless for the first award to be "Best Supporting Actress." The show should gradually build up to the end. Therefore, awards for supporting actor and actress will be given just before the best actor and actress are named.
7. Add new categories. Under my supervision an Oscar will be handed out for the "Best Video Montage." They were huge in the ‘80s, and everyone likes an occasional montage to speed up tedious parts of a movie. Also, seeing as they are becoming so popular, another Oscar will be given to the "Most Resilient Zombie."
More changes will be needed later, but this is a good start.
is a member of the 
5 comments