Commentary: The girlfriend's guide to the Super Bowl
Published: Thursday, January 31, 2013
Updated: Thursday, January 31, 2013 19:01
Chili and cheese dip simmer in crockpots set to 1,000 degrees as the smell of the meal begins to fill the air, nearly singeing hot wings scattered everywhere on NFL-themed plastic plates and the crunch of fallen chips under every few footsteps as you begin the quest to find a seat on the old couch riddled with last year’s stains.
You find yourself lost in the middle of a sea of shouting men who could care less about not talking while their mouths are full and you wonder — why?
Girlfriends, wives, fiancees and all significant others alike — the Super Bowl is upon us, otherwise known as the day we are ignored from dawn to dusk and maybe even longer if your beau’s team becomes the brunt of every joke after the game. This year, it might be a good idea to take the Roman mindset of “when in Rome” or maybe just, “if you can’t beat them, chest bump them.”
For all you girls who are excited for the game and love the Super Bowl: the rest of us are proud of you. Even more than that, come gameday most of us admire your dedication and passionately wish we shared your interest. But since we can’t all be genuinely enthusiastic about football, here are some pointers for a good Super Bowl experience for the rest of us.
Super Bowl XLVII kicks off at 6:30 p.m. Sunday. Please take note now that this is not the time to demand all of your honey’s attention and whine a long, drawn-out “babe” every 15 minutes. Take the early 90s girl power band approach and stay strong.
Pick a team and go crazy for them, absolutely crazy. You have only two choices: the San Francisco 49ers or the Baltimore Ravens. If you want to take an easy and amateur approach by choosing the team with pretty colors, the Ravens flaunt around in purple and metallic gold. If you’d rather pick a cutie to stare at all evening (besides the guy sitting three seats away from you), the 49ers might be the million-dollar choice, considering its rookie quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, is nothing shy of God’s gift to the earth. As long as you keep your adoration quiet, you will have a good start to a smooth Super Bowl experience.
Even though you are joining the guys and just might be treated as one until the game clock runs out, that does not mean you have to look like one. Huge washer-worn jerseys are not picture-worthy unless you plan on staying upstairs with the door locked, preparing for an interrupted night of rest, or worse, have a meme created in your name. Get creative with those brand new jeans that have been waiting for their debut and that adorable new top. Even better, this could be a reason to go shopping for new glittery team apparel.
Almost time to sit back, relax and play it cool. Before you take on the night, it is important to learn some football lingo and at least know when you can throw a flag on and off the field. Learn positions; learn at least a few of the players’ names. Don’t panic if you didn’t plan ahead: commentators and the huge jersey numbers will help you cheat. Just pay attention and tweet with discretion and confidence.
We have the incredible Beyoncé to look forward to at halftime. Despite the lip-syncing rumors, we can count on her to keep us on our feet unlike many borefests before her. Ladies will get their dose of girl power, even if it seems like a dim light at the end of the tunnel when the game begins. After all, who runs the world?