This review happened by accident. My first attempt to review a restaurant met with failure when I forgot to bring my notepad or pen with me.

The second attempt left on the false impression that the restaurant was still in business. This left my dining party and I standing around on North High Streettrying to think of where to eat next.

While a sick and sinister part of me truly wanted to review White Castle, cooler heads prevailed and we walked a short distance to Zeta European Emporium. Located at 751 N. High St., Zeta’s undoubtedly has some of the best Greek food in town and at a reasonable price.

Parking in the Short North is hit or miss. Keep your eye out for spots on nearby streets. For those of us who are directionally challenged, I suggest either bringing friends along as guides or giving up altogether and taking the bus. Unfortunately, this little deli closes at 7:00 p.m. Monday through Saturday, as it would be extremely convenient for my Gallery-hopping readers.

Indoor seating in this clean, non-smoking and handicapped-accessible locale consists of no more than 12 seats around two tables. While our group had no trouble finding a spot, I can imagine it would be busier during its lunch rush. While dining with plastic forks off paper plates at one of two small tables situated among shelves of olive oil might not make for dining ambiance; the cost and quality of the food more than make up for the lack of aesthetic detail.

Zeta’s has a wide variety of bottled drinks to choose from such as your standard cola products, specialty bottled teas and lesser-known drinks such as Orangina.

After ordering at the counter, we waited about five minutes until our food was ready. My gyro was absolutely fantastic. It consisted of hot beef and lamb with cool, fresh lettuce, onion, and tomato. Add mounds of delicious feta cheese, the right amount of garlic and homemade Tzatziki sauce and that about sums it up. This Greek monster was only $2.50! In fact, everything on the menu costs between $1 to $3.

Co-masticator Quinn also tried this dish and claims, “This is the best gyro I’ve ever had.” Co-masticator Diane said, “Hank, you better put a quote from me in your column this week.”

Jarrod tried the special hummus for $2. It consisted of a grilled hummus pita with feta cheese and tomato. Jarrod had this to say about it, “(The pita) had a very distinct taste, not too much hummus, but you’ll have to like hummus to try this one. I hate tomatoes and I hate feta cheese, but I loved this thing. I honestly ate it too quickly and again almost cried because I missed it.”

As my faithful readers already know, Jarrod’s post-masticating bout with depression is a sure sign the food is great.

Quinn ordered the spanakopita and replied, “This is great but the bottom of my pita was a bit burned. There’s lots of butter, imported feta and fresh spinach.”

I conclude that this dish might be the way to go for readers who swear off animal flesh for one reason or another. It’s worth a shot for $1.50, even if it doesn’t knock your socks off.

Diane had the apple roll for dessert and had this to say, “The apple roll was delicious. Better than mom makes it and a ton better than a store bought brand. Served cold, it had just the right apple to filo strudel ratio.” It seems the apple pie-esque nature of the dessert might lend itself best to American diners new to Greek desserts.

At least it seemed so until I tried my baklava. This dessert consists of honey and walnuts layered between a flaky filo strudel. Reveling in this sweet chewy goodness was a spiritual experience.

After trying this dish, the long-running debate over the existence of God can now fall silent. This baklava was proof that God exists, loves us, and wants us to be happy. Let’s just put it this way: The baklava was so good I looked forward to belching the rest of the evening. In closing, if you’re ever in the mood for something a little out of the ordinary or need a place to eat while cruising the Short North, I highly suggest checking out Zeta’s. It’s one of the few places in Columbus where you’re going to find food this great and spend less than five bucks.

Hank Mylander is a junior in management information systems from Westerville. He presently holds cooking degrees from many prestigious culinary art schools. Actually that’s a lie. Thanks for reading my bio line anyway. The masticator can be reached at [email protected]