Like many other geeks, nerds and miscreants in this world, I have a pretty disturbing fascination with superheroes.
Their appeal is larger than the simple thrill of escapism. A successful superhero is a complicated, multi-dimensional character with his or her own unique motives for ridding the world of evildoers.
Although there have been many great superheroes in the storied history of the genre – Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Wolverine, Aquaman, just to name a few – my favorite superheroes have always been professional wrestlers.
It may have just been the time in which I grew up, but I looked up to these great men as if they were superheroes. To me, they were larger-than-life figures who could vanquish any foe. Hulk Hogan could body slam giants and be impervious to pain. “Macho Man” Randy Savage could fly through the air at will and overcome any odds. As a child, it was always reassuring to see good conquer evil.
But, as I continued to watch, I noticed something interesting. Good would almost always win, but sometimes the tactics they used to succeed were a tad questionable. The good guy would need to use a chair to help his friend win the World Title or need his pal to come out and point out to the referee that the bad guy had cheated. It seemed to me that there was a double standard – the good guy was allowed to do almost whatever he wanted, just because he was good.
This seems to be true with regular superheroes as well. Batman violates constitutional rights left and right. If he were in the real world, no one would tolerate that for very long, even if he were a successful crime fighter. Superman’s X-ray vision and ability to fly would be subject for easy abuse and would land him in a nice secure government facility in the real world.
Superheroes don’t have to play by the same rules the rest of us do, which is why they are so successful at what they do.
There are three basic qualities all superheroes have in common: One, a superhero must have a costume to conceal his or her identity. Two, a superhero must battle evil. Three, and perhaps most important, a superhero must have powers greater than a mere mortal man to successfully combat this evil.
I am not sure if U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft has any silly costumes. But with President Bush’s signature of the anti-terrorism law on Friday, Ashcroft is now America’s superhero.
The law expands the federal government’s ability to conduct electronic surveillance, allowing for more lenient conditions when a judge can authorize secret intelligence wiretaps. It allows law enforcement agencies to detain immigrants for up to seven days without charges. It allows information to be shared between law enforcement and intelligence agencies. It also contains measures to combat terrorist money laundering.
At the signing ceremony, Ashcroft promised that the Justice Department wouldn’t delay in using its newfound powers.
In other words, Ashcroft now can slice, dice and violate your constitutionally-protected rights. He’s even got a story worthy of a super hero. The fallen Missouri conservative crime fighter who loses a Senate race to a dead man now finds himself the protector of America.
Ashcroft and his band of American superfriends can now use their X-ray vision to search through your lives to make sure you don’t have connections to terrorism. They have unprecedented access to your financial, medical and business records. They can hear what you say, read what you type and see what you purchase.
Fighting terrorism is all well and good. Allowing government agencies to share information and closing down loopholes in the American banking system seems like sensible, concrete measures that will make it more difficult for terrorists to operate.
But this law could just be a first step into a world where the superheroes take over. The real world doesn’t need them; they suit comic books, television shows and films just fine.
Jason Mann is editor of The Lantern and can be reached at [email protected]. He feels badly for Aquaman, who doesn’t get the respect a superhero deserves.
