Dear Harlan,My ex, who I love dearly, cheated on me when he went on vacation, then when he came back he made out with my best friend. The girl he cheated on me with from vacation is coming to visit him. I don’t want her to come and he doesn’t care. I’ve started cutting and wish I would just die. Please help. I love him so much.Hurting
Dear Hurting,Please do not hurt yourself. I know you love him, but he’s a sick guy who seems incapable of truly loving anyone but himself. He’s the problem — not you.I can tell you without hesitation there are so many men in the world, and in your city, who will treat you so much better. They will be honest. They will be faithful. And they will treasure your love. But in order to find someone better, you need to break away from this guy and friends who knowingly hurt you. Most importantly, you need to stop hurting yourself. Forgetting the pain by inflicting more pain isn’t going to fix anything. It just leads to more pain and scars. But it can, and will, get better.Seek out support and talk to people who can help. Talk to a therapist and find a self-injury support group. Once you can stop the cutting (and you can with help), then you can cut your ties from people who want to hurt you and treat you poorly. Then you can surround yourself with people who appreciate you. And I promise, there are guys who can and will appreciate you. But this ex is toxic. Get some help and get far away from him.In the meantime, check out some online resources at: www.selfinjury.org (there are some great links). And if you feel like you’re going to hurt yourself, call 911 or your local hospital or the following crisis line: 1-800-999-9999 immediately. Most importantly, know you are never ever alone.
Dear Harlan,I don’t even know what I need help with. I think I’m just bored. I’m at work and bored. I am a very bored 21-year-old. Bored with drinking. Bored with guys. Bored with my family. Bored with my friends. I think my cat is starting to bore me as well. I guess it’s my boredom and my lack of “work doing” that lead me to you. So, I felt I should write something.Bored
Dear Bored,I bet your cat is bored with you too.A teacher once told me, “Boring people get bored.” So, find a little passion in your life. Take some new risks. Get a new job. Put yourself out there. In college, your world was provided for you. There were classes, parties, and events all around you. But beyond college, you need to work at finding opportunities. You need to pursue your passion. If you don’t have a passion you need to find one. Shake things up a little.And, I’m not even talking about a relationship. If anything, it’s the wrong time for one. A guy might come along and keep you entertained for a while, but unless you have more in your life, you’ll get bored down the line. So, find your passion. Take risks. Seek out new adventures. And then, write back with some good problems.I gotta go. I’m bored with this letter…
Write Harlan to [email protected] or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Copyright Harlan Cohen.
