Dear Readers,
Before getting to this week’s letters, here’s another reminder to please send me in your Rejection Awareness Week stories (send to [email protected], put R.A.W. in subject line). Please share how you took THE RISK and met your Valentine.
Dear Harlan,
I recently met my good friend’s new roommate. The first night the two of us met, he seemed to be really into me and sincere. However, I’m not very experienced in matters of the heart and not at all trusting. I mean, I’ve never even had a boyfriend.
I was a little intimidated and thought he might just playing with me (the cynical bitch in me was being a big influence). So, I kind of mentioned that I had a crush on another friend (who he has never met before). He acted like it didn’t matter, and then we ended up messing around a little.
Then it all got really strange.
A couple days later, he started spending time with his ex, who cheated on him and he said that he hated. Things between the two of us got really weird, too. We’re not even talking. But I now realize what a mistake I made in throwing something like this away. Until I mentioned my small crush, I think he had good intentions. I want things to go back to the way that they were. I’m really confused and really shy. I have NO idea how to handle it all. Any ideas are welcome.
Crushed
Hi Crushed,
The problem is that he’s too insecure and too immature to notice that you’re interested (or you would have never messed around with him) and you’re too scared to tell him. It’s all a big game and everyone playing is losing.
Putting aside this guy’s immaturity and insecurity, he could still be interested in you. That is, if you’re still interested in him. All you need to do is tell the “cynical bitch” inside to keep quiet and listen to that sweet vulnerable voice inside. Tell him what you did, and why you did it. Let him know that you made a bad decision. Ask him to start over again. And really, the worst thing that happens is that he’s no longer interested, but he’s already not interested, so really, there’s really nothing to lose.
Dear Harlan,
I think that I am gay, but all I can think about is this girl. Still, I like this other guy, too. I don’t know what to think. Is there anyway to tell if you’re “different.”
Weirded Out
Dear Weirded Out,
Everyone is different in some way or another. The big difference between you and most people is that most people aren’t open to admitting it.
The fact that you’re willing to listen to what you feel, whatever direction it takes you, is what matters most. Eventually, you’ll figure it out. In the meantime, have fun. Date EVERYONE. Know that the more comfortable you can get with yourself, the less these labels will matter. For now, call yourself “bisexual leaning toward the gay side.” But lean whichever way feels right. You’re still figuring it all out.
One last thing, check out the Web site: www.outproud.org and a campus organization addressing sexuality issues. Talk to people who have “been there.” It helps to know that you are NOT alone — and you are NOT alone, or weird.
Need advice? Write Harlan at [email protected] or online at www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Copyright Harlan Cohen
Columnist Harlan Cohen will be appearing on Feb. 19 at 7:00 p.m. in the Ohio Union.
