Recently, a representative of the rock band Nickelback requested four tickets to the upcoming Ohio State-Michigan game. According to sources, Ohio State Associate Director of Athletics Steve Snapp responded to the insane request, “Not that I don’t appreciate your music, but even if you were John Lennon and calling for four tickets for the original Beatles, I couldn’t do it.”
Who does Nickelback think they are? Selling 20 million albums worldwide might earn you Grammys, but that by no means allots you tickets to what might be the greatest college football game of all time. It’s the supreme rivalry in sports. No. 1 versus No. 2 in the nation. A trip to Glendale, Arizona on the line.
Are they kidding? We have been battling each other since 1835’s Toledo War (which was actually just a bloodless debate over our northwestern border – the football game will be more intense than that skirmish). But, being at this game is being a part of history. They must realize some of this or they wouldn’t be so desperate to get some free tickets.
But did they honestly think there were four tickets just lying on a counter somewhere? Most people’s tickets are probably locked in a maximum security safe that Danny Ocean couldn’t crack. Or maybe hidden under a poor college student’s mattress, with the incoherent person still on top because they started the festivities last Thursday for a game nine days away. The point is there aren’t any tickets left unclaimed, at least not cheap ones.
Nickelback is rich, though. There are hundreds of tickets for sale on the Internet from those people who pretend to be Buckeye fans. Why don’t they buy those? I am sure students would take the ticket out from under the mattress for the right price (if it isn’t already for sale on eBay). The money would help pay for the previous week of partying, the breakfast eggs, Heinygate cups, Varsity Club bar tab and kegs on Saturday. Then, of course, what’s left over could pay for the four hydrating Gatorades on Sunday.
Better yet, come to Columbus and find a scalper. It won’t be hard. You could be walking down Lane Avenue and trip on one, only to break your fall on another. Or is Nickelback so big they can’t be seen in public? It’s doubtful during the pandemonium Saturday people would even notice – if anyone could even recognize them on a Wednesday.
Maybe Nickelback just preferred begging? Or maybe they actually thought they were bigger than the Beatles?
Ryan Pratt is a Lantern staff writer who feels that he is bigger than Tim May. He can be reached for comment at [email protected].
