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On Ash Wednesday I received a text message from a buddy of mine from high school.
“Indeed, it has begun. Friends, embrace the RACE OF CHAMPIONS and refrain from sinning against God with your body. Good luck, unless you already gave in.”
I went to a Catholic high school, and for the last six years about a dozen or so of my former classmates have been engaged in a Race of Champions every Lent.
For the Race of Champions, the rules are simple: no pleasuring oneself for 40 days. Guys and girls can join, and sex of any other kind is OK as long as one doesn’t do it alone.
It is run strictly by the honor code, and when a person exits the contest he or she must announce it at school the next day. The person who makes it the full 40 days, or makes it the longest, wins pride among his or her brethren.
This is obviously disgusting and even blasphemous. But it’s funny as hell.
Sex was always permitted during the Race of Champions because back in high school, sex wasn’t going to be an issue for a lot of my former classmates.
The way I see it though, it’s not my god they are offending. And after a few weeks, most of the contestants start trotting around like rats in a storm drain.
I grew up Catholic, and I’ve noticed just enough hypocrisy in the church to stay away from it. I also laughed at the lapsed Catholics to the left and right of me.
For those who don’t know, masturbation is considered a sin by many. Some would argue that condoms and other forms of birth control are blasphemous too, because they promote pre-marital sex.
Oh, and of course gay sex – gasp – is a sin as well, or at least that’s what those lunatics on the Oval have been yelling about.
So, if you call yourself Catholic and manage to stay master of your domain for 40 days, it doesn’t mean diddly if you do the five-finger shuffle the rest of the year.
I think most lapsed Catholics I know don’t see themselves as such. Rather, they see themselves as Catholics who have chosen to follow certain dogmas and rules of their choosing.
It’s not as important to memorize scripture, attend mass regularly and follow every rule as it is just to be a good person and show restraint.
That means that binge drinking is OK, as long as you don’t take a swing at anyone.
Profanity-laced rants are OK, as long as you tone it down around the children.
Doing coke is OK, as long as you aren’t doing lines off a stripper’s chest.
Whether you are a lapsed Catholic or not, I think most people would agree that Lent, and the concept of abstaining from something to honor faith in God, has been twisted beyond recognition.
So what if you’re able to give up jelly beans for 40 days? Or coffee and swearing?
Coincidentally, I announced that I was giving up cussing for Lent this year. That lasted three damn minutes.
If people are genuinely interested in improving themselves or humanity, they don’t have to do it for 40 days, and they certainly don’t need any New Year’s resolutions.
Personally, I think people should find their own moral code and strive to stick by it no matter what anyone thinks. If you are in search of a god, don’t wait until Lent. And if you’ve found something you believe in, don’t feel forced to followed any religion, conforming to any Bible, or acting differently for 40 days.
Graham Beckwith is The Lantern’s Arts & Life editor. He can be reached at [email protected].
