I looked damn good! My long blond hair was wavy-straight. It fell down my back, allowing for my bronzed shoulders and double-d breasts to accentuate my tiny, flat stomach. I wore a long, flowing skirt and a brilliant smile, my face glowing from dancing. I was a perfect 10 that night. But when I batted my lashes and flashed my pearly whites at Chance, he gave me an unimpressed smile then turned his attention to Aly (A seven at best).

In the past I would have been confused, even a bit wounded. But my good friend Greg taught me a lesson about courtship that shifted my perspective entirely. Greg is a good-looking kid and a talented jazz guitarist. He has a lot going for him. But what elevates him to rock star status is his level-headedness when it comes to wooing women. Greg is not a player, but he is a risk taker. And with risks come inevitable failures, but also incredible pay-offs. Greg will hit on the most beautiful girls! Twenty percent of the time he’ll land it, get her number, or agree to meet up later.  But most of the time he’s totally rejected. Instead of getting upset, Greg just laughs.

“Haha did you see that chick? Man was I rejected!”

Dr. Lisa Cravens-Brown, a professor in human sexuality at Ohio State University said that,

“Risky behavior generally causes adrenaline to be released into our bloodstreams, which can cause… pleasurable rush-endorphins.”

Greg has learned to enjoy the pursuit because he knows that the pay-off is worth the risk of failure. As a result, he spends little time licking his wounds or doubting is capabilities. And Greg gets laid!

Of course, this state of mind does not come to fruition over night. It is an attitude one must cultivate. The first step is to remember that most likely you reject people more than you think. To reject and be rejected! It’s all part of the game.

A lot of the time, getting rejected has little to do with you. When I am rejected I go through a bunch of possible factors I could not know.

For example, they might have a girlfriend or maybe they just broke up with someone. Physical compatibility also plays a role. Some guys like flat chicks, other guys like bodacious babes. Some girls like tight jeans, others like baggy ones. Yellow fever, jungle fever, WASPs, shiksas, you name it! We all have our secret fantasy woman or man.

So when Chance rejected me, sure I felt a pang. But why would I give a practical stranger the power to debunk me from my confidence throne? Think about it, when you hit on someone you are basically hitting on a hot body or a sexy smile. Therefore I had to wonder if I just wasn’t Chance’s type. Aly is 5’3, I’m 5’8. Chance is 5’7, and although the height difference didn’t bother me, he might have been a bit overwhelmed by my stature. It’s also possible that he was just not that into me.

So I challenge you to hit on someone. If you succeed, then good for you, but if you don’t, laugh it off. Confidence is sexy. End of story.