On my first date with this guy, everything was going brilliantly. The chemistry was there; our conversation was seamless, and I was starting to visualize him in bed. Unfortunately, while I was off in la-la land, he steered the conversation into the past relationship zone.
“Blah blah blah two failed relationships blah blah I was dumped and didn’t know why… Been hurt and don’t want it to happen again.”
Yes, he was being honest and if I were the ‘girl-in-the-movie’ I would have found his not wanting to get hurt endearing. It would have made us closer that he had opened up to me about his feelings.
But my uncensored, real-girl reaction was like this: It was as if he was flashing a red warning sign saying, “I’m not over it! Don’t hurt me because you’ll mess me up even more.”
When you say you don’t want to get hurt you’re divulging that you haven’t fully recovered from your last fall. But no one can ever promise they won’t hurt you, the future is unforeseeable.
Of course, in theory I sympathize with him. Having feelings for someone and then being dumped is like getting the wind knocked out of you. But still, the worst thing you can do right off the bat is share your past relationship failures. Down the road, if all is going well, then it is important and healthy to air those past experiences because both parties are beginning to invest in the other. But if these anxieties are divulged too soon then it makes you sound weak, and weak doesn’t get a second date.
Clichés carry truth: Honesty is a virtue. But to be frank, you can bitch to your friend, therapist, teddy bear etc., but if you want to get a second date, get over it before the first one.