Courtship in the olden days consisted of a man calling on a woman at her home. The woman would respond by either accepting or denying his company. If she accepted, he would join her and they would converse. If all went well and he wished to see her again he would call on her once more. Call, respond, call, respond.
It was a delicate, timely process. If a man were to call on a woman and be refused, the courtship would be considered over. If the man called on her yet again he would be considered desperate.
Nowadays, this stuffy courtship bullshit is considered obsolete. We have been liberated from the confines of societal expectation and now have freedom to go about it as we please.
Although the circumstances might have changed, the premises remain the same. If you call on a girl (or boy) and get refused and yet keep calling, whether it be a phone call, instant message or a text, you’re still considered desperate. The art of courtship isn’t dead after all.
This blog was inspired by a boy who fell for a girl and then ruined it. The circumstance was the typical college hook-up that ended in the realization that they had more in common than just physical attraction. Numbers were exchanged. Both were smitten with the other. It was at this point that the dance of courtship began.
Upon parting ways, the boy made the first move and texted the girl. She promptly responded. This call and response went on for sometime. But one day the girl was away from her phone and did not hear that she had received a text. Upon returning to her phone she saw multiple texts as well as multiple missed calls from the boy.
This impatience and need for immediate gratification concerned her. Of course the boy didn’t mean to seem needy; it was just that he was so excited because he really liked the girl. But he was too enthusiastic. The girl, who liked him too, became annoyed by the boy. Of course she knew he didn’t mean to be annoying so she told herself how great it was to find a boy who was so attentive.
But soon the intensity and relentlessness of the boy’s pursuit became unnatural. It was disrupting the unspoken yet necessary flow of the call and response. His constant text messaging took place whether she responded or not and this made her feel that it was not her that he wanted but just anyone. This made him creepy to her and she no longer wanted anything to do with him. The boy didn’t mean to be creepy but he lacked the basic knowledge of the call and response.
The moral of the story is simple: the artistry of courtship is just as vital to success in love today as it was back in the olden days, and if you don’t get the memo you’re in danger of being a total creep.