This isn’t a light and fluffy piece about welcoming new faces to the university. This isn’t a do-gooder story about horrible traffic conditions and never-ending construction. This isn’t even about how adorable and cute President E. Gordon Gee is. This is a terrifying, completely true story of the “neighbors next door.”

There are thousands of students living off campus every year, most of them for their first time. They figure things out as they go along, with help from their parents and their friends. I count myself among these experimental “adults,” taking our first breath of a new life.

Experienced and older students warn us about bums picking through trash at 8 a.m., mounds of broken glass up and down the sidewalks, vomit covering the streets, and packages that are liable to get stolen. These negatives come with the territory when you live in a city of almost 1 million people, but the one horror no one could properly prepare you for are “those people.”

They live upstairs, they’re below you, they can be right next-door — they are everywhere. You know them by their wrestling matches at 4 a.m., the raucous laughter at 7 a.m., and they blast Eminem’s “Recovery” at some ungodly hour (even though it’s your favorite album of the summer). These people show no mercy and are relentless with their partying and other shenanigans.

Sometimes you lie awake at night wondering how you can go on with life. But you pick yourself up and keep on trucking because you have a Bio Chem midterm at 8:30 a.m. You’re a zombie, but as long as you’ve got your OSU hoodie and sweatpants on, no one will even notice.

You might be thinking to yourself, “Does it get any better?” The answer is yes. You get used to it and you might even make friends with them! Most likely not, but at least you’ll have a great time with your roommates imagining what kind of weirdness your neighbors are up to.

It’s all included in the package when you choose to live off campus. There are benefits and there are disadvantages to everything, my friends. If it really gets out of control, take the high road. And by that I mean be more obnoxious than them. If they start playing the newest Halo (whatever number it is now) at 3 a.m., retaliate by blasting Lady Gaga. That’ll shut them up quickly. Believe me, I know.

I hope my words of wisdom help you and get you ready for your first year off campus. If you’re one of those lucky few who have nice and quiet neighbors, you’re probably living in Kansas. Enjoy the school year and rage with all your might.