Dear Harlan,
I am a complete loser, yet I have a boyfriend who is trying his best to be understanding and loving. However it is hard due to the fact that I have severe mental problems. I cut myself and cry a lot. I hate everything about me, and the world that surrounds me. How can I get out of this mood? Therapy didn’t help and neither did medication.
Got any advice?
Out of Answers
Dear Out of Answers,
Finding the right therapist is like finding the right clothing — not all will fit right. But just because one doesn’t fit doesn’t mean that they all won’t fit. You have to force yourself to keep looking for the right fit. Look for a specialist who is familiar with self-injury. Take comfort knowing that new medications are constantly being developed. Keep fighting and keep searching for the right fit.
The hardest part about the process is pushing yourself and searching for the right fit. Please, contact your student health center, talk to someone at your local hospital, and visit online at www.selfinjury.org. And know that you’re never alone.
Dear Harlan,
About two months ago, a very close male friend of two years and I decided that we had “more than friend” feelings for each other and took our relationship to the next level. It’s been absolutely wonderful.
A few weeks ago, the “love” word came out. I really do love him and believe that he also loves me. We both think this could turn into something long-term. The one hang up about our relationship is that it’s long distance — as in 600 miles and five states away long distance. We’ve managed to see each other several times since we started dating and often have very intimate phone conversations about our relationship. I feel totally comfortable with him.
My question to you: Do you think our relationship is doomed because of the limited time we have together? Can you really love someone when you’re not around them on a day-to-day or week-by-week basis? We’ve talked about moving closer once I’m doing with school (he’s already graduated), but that’s at least another year away.
Any thoughts?
Far But Close
Dear Far But Close,
You don’t have to worry about getting sick of seeing him too much. It’s incredibly charged and passionate to reunite after being apart for so long. It’s great, until he leaves, you cry, and all airports start to reek of sadness.
But still, this relationship can totally work. It’s just you both must want to work to make it work. You have to keep talking, keep trusting each other, and keep being totally honest. You also have to be prepared for the sad parts. It’s the depressing part of being apart that can wear you down. That said, if you love your best friend and your best friend loves you, hang onto to it for as long as possible.
And also, try and have fun with your “intimate” conversations. With instant messaging, email, cell phones, and streaming video, it’s almost like being together, and it’s all “safe” — assuming you don’t get tangled in the wires.
Write Harlan via e-mail at [email protected] or online at www.helpmeharlan.com. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Suite 223, Chicago, IL. All letters submitted become property of the column. Copyright Help Me, Harlan!
Columnist Harlan Cohen will be appearing on Feb. 19 at 7:00 p.m. at the Ohio Union.
