Kudos to the religious right on this one: Like a televangelist Scully, Jerry Falwell has uncovered the daunting truth about childrens’ television.From his authoritative pulpit, Falwell has informed the parental public that one of the Teletubbies on PBS’ morning show is gay and is subliminally converting children to the homosexual “lifestyle.” The evidence is quite conclusive: Tinky-Winky, the non-gendered, asexual being whose sexuality is in question, sports a purple hue and triangle upon its head. Since purple is the color of Lent and the triangle a symbol of the Trinity, Tinky-Winky is obviously a Christian.Oh wait: GAY symbolism. Well, since lavender is a gay color and the triangle is a gay symbol, it is obviously a gay character. There, simple as that. Tinky-Winky is an open-and-shut closet case.Oh, but Jerry has only scratched the surface of the infiltrating plot. As a child of the TV-babysat generation, I too have felt the lavender glow of Saturday morning cartoons, and I have witnessed sublime sublimination from many characters before Tinky-Winky ever arrived. So I will now follow Falwell’s courageous lead and “out” those homosexual cartoon characters that have graced the television screen throughout the years:Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? It’s in San Francisco, the Castro District to be exact. Bert and Ernie were television’s first homosexual couple, a long-term gay relationship which has outlasted any heterosexual cartoon union. You can almost feel the love when Ernie and Bert take a bath together.And how can we direct that Hanna-Barbaraland theatrical diva Snagglepuss out of the closet? My suggestion: “Exit stage left, even.”And talk about respecting diversity – cartoons also presented the most diverse images of gays in the male homosexual commune of the Smurfs. In this particular community, we find gay males of all types: young and old, butch and femme, dynamic and demure, and television’s first portrayal of a transsexual in Smurfette.It’s then only a small stretch to see Gargamel as a white heterosexual man of privilege who seeks to squelch their happiness because of perceived differences. (Note: The Smurfs WERE in fact created by a gay man named Pierre Cullimore whose original inspiration was his homoerotic doodle of Hefty and Handy Smurf).Scooby-Dooby-Doo, where are you? Helping his closeted friends out of the closet, no doubt. Fred and Daphne were the original “Will & Grace.” Daphne, however, was far more tragic in her unrequited love for Fred; Meanwhile Fred was content to adjust his suave orange scarf and wait patiently for a really cute guest star to come along. Though usually all he got was Phyllis Diller and Sonny Bono … but also, Cher.So, while Fred and Daphne explore a CLOSET every episode, it’s up to the butch and highly capable Velma to take charge. The love lines complicate themselves with Velma’s ardent attraction to Daphne, who, vacuous though she is, still looks fierce in the outfit Fred designed.However, nothing quite compares to Peanuts. There is so much rampant homosexuality in that cartoon that it must be in the water supply. The reserved, “sensitive” (Read: gay) nature of Schroeder at the piano cannot be swayed by the persistent philanderings of Lucy.Likewise, Linus is uninterested in the advances of Sally, no doubt because he is anxious about the new song that his boyfriend Schroeder has written him. But still more obvious is the butch/femme relationship of Peppermint Patty and Marcie. Marcie balances out Peppermint Patty’s brashness with a cool collected wit and Patty’s dynamic nature helps to bring Marcie out of her shell. What a match.So maybe my point is that you see what you want to see. Or maybe there are homosexual characters to be found in children’s cartoons. I sure found them when I was a kid.
Andy Scahill is a junior English/film major from Cincinnati.
