With a Subway Series moving swiftly from possible to inevitable, it seems only right to give the masses in Central Ohio a quick lesson on the sights and sounds of New York City. After all, not everyone has been lucky enough to be raised on real bagels, decent Chinese food and a nightlife that involves more than passing out in the bushes in front of a frat house.Without further ado, here’s a beginner’s guide to New York and the Subway Series, from A to Z.
A: AAA. The Yankees’ Triple-A affiliate is the Columbus Clippers. Plenty of former Central Ohio ballplayers will appear in the Series.B: Brooklyn, boyhood home of Mets reliever John Franco, and the world-famous Brooklyn Bridge. Don’t buy it, no matter how good the deal might seem to be.C: Carnegie Deli in Manhattan, home of the world’s biggest and best cheesecake and deli sandwiches. Sorry kids, but Schlotsky’s just doesn’t quite compete.D: Doc and David. Former Mets post-season stars Doc Gooden and David Cone are now in pinstripes. Their appearances in the Series could make for an interesting storyline.E: Egg Creams, a New York delicassy. They don’t have any egg in them, but instead are a combination of soda water, cream and chocolate or vanilla syrup, topped off with whipped cream. Good stuff.F: Fuhgeddaboudit. If it’s spelled differently, it’s wrong. If you can’t get excited for a subway series, fuhgeddaboudit.G: George Steinbrenner. Everyone knows who he is, and he doesn’t even like losing spring training games to the Mets. H: Hillary. She’ll show up for these games. No one will be able to figure out why. See also: “C” for “carpet bagger.”I: I don’t think so. People that say Bruegger’s has “New York Bagels.” Nice try. It’s like saying that the Olive Garden is real Italian food. If you want bagels, go to Brooklyn.J: Jersey, New. Boyhood home of a certain Lantern sports editor, and George Steinbrenner’s perpetual bargaining chip in the search for a new stadium.K: Koch, Ed. Former mayor and People’s Court jurist. His finest moment came in an advertisement where he proclaimed “nothing would solve this city’s transportation problems like a Subway Series!”L: LaGuardia Airport. Named for former mayor Fiorello LaGuardia, the airport is located next to Shea Stadium. Jets often fly directly over Shea, interrupting play.M: MetroCard, the new form of currency on New York’s busses and subways, slowly replacing the old tokens. The size of a credit card, they usually hold 11 rides (pay for 10, get one free) for $15.N: Nathan’s. The greatest hot dogs in the world. Flavored with garlic and other mysterious good stuff, they’re an institution on the boardwalk at Coney Island.O: O’Neill, Paul. The Columbus native (a Brookhaven graduate) is the Yankees’ rightfielder.P: Public transportation. New York has some of the best in the world. Get on the 4-train at Yankee Stadium, transfer to the 7 at Grand Central and badda-bing, you’re at Shea. Q: Queens. The home of the Mets. The team plays in the Flushing section of Queens, just off of Flushing Bay. The Yanks make their home in the Bronx.R: Rudy Giuliani. A die-hard Yankees fan, he always looks like he’s receiving a concrete-enema when he has to sit in the seats at Shea. S: Staten Island. The only one of New York’s five boroughs to never be home to a Major League Baseball franchise.T: Travelling Secretary, Assistant to. George Costanza wouldn’t have many travel plans to coordinate in this series, just make sure everyone boarded the right subway.U: Underdogs. What the Mets will be considered in the Series. The Yanks have history on their side. The Mets have The Doors’ “LA Woman.” Mojo rising, baby.V: Vital organs. What one would need to sell to get tickets to all of the games of the Series. The lowest price found so far is $475 per ticket. In the upper deck. Good seats are going for $4,000. Each. Per game.W: Whitson, Eddie. He was a solid right-hander with the Padres, then melted down in the Bronx. Not everyone can handle New York’s fans and media.X: X-rated. The dialogue in the seats at Shea and Yankee Stadium is not always “PG.” It’s unbelivably coarse, but the fans know their stuff. It’s also a lot more creative than the “you suck,” “no, you suck” trash talk at OSU games. Y: Yooz. As in “Yooz guys are gonna lose!” A common sentiment of both Mets and Yankees fans.Z: Zimmer, Don. An original Met and the Yankees’ current bench coach. Ol’ Zim is a living, breathing piece of baseball history.
Thomas Orr is a senior journalism major and the Lantern sports editor. He’s been to Shea Stadium about 100 times, but has never gone to a game in the Bronx. That’s why his car still has tires.