For all the “Lies” faithful, you probably realized that last week the column looked like a Wesley Clark campaign – disorganized and haphazard. Because of some unfortunate cuts made in editing, the column was short, sweet and lacking the true legend. After the article about Archie, I almost knelt at the foot of the ‘Shoe and pleaded a prayer of forgiveness. Everyone knows Archie does not drink and the Heisman theory is preposterous. For all the academic probates, this article has two main purposes: entertainment and education. So before you flatter yourself thinking you are “The Lantern’s watchdog,” read this week’s entries and see if the story that offends you most is in fact pure, unadulterated truth.
“A Mystery History” – Brown Hall, the headquarters for the School of Landscape Architecture, is one of many unknown buildings on campus. It is rarely identified by anyone other than the many disciplined LARCH students who slave throughout the night to finish their projects by the deadline. As most students already know, each building’s name is linked to an aristocrat or philanthropist to the university, but Brown Hall finds its inception elsewhere. Legend has it that Brown Hall is actually named after the “King of Soul” himself, James Brown. After a large and generous donation to the College of Landscape Architecture, he requested that his first name be omitted from the buildings title to avoid a racial controversy.
“Homecoming Harassment” – Few things are as memorable as Homecoming at Ohio State. With few students casting their vote for the Court, the only organization jealous of the event is USG. However, controversy once surrounded the voting for the queen. Legend has it that in 1926 there were several voting improprieties that left many nominees disqualified. Emerging from the ballot box was Maudine Ormsby, a candidate nominated by the College of Agriculture. Maudine was the talk of the town during the festivities, drawing even greater disdain from students. Eventually Maudine was barred from attending the dance because of her large size. Instead of bumping and grinding with the boys, Maudine was banished, spending her time in a barn. She sought no retribution for this blatant act of sexual discrimination. She was not a woman living in the 1920s. She was actually a Holstein cow.
“Alleviating Ailments” – The Arthur G. James Cancer center is one of the top cancer research centers in the nation. With its top-notch doctors and nurses caring for its patients, many survive the “Big C” with great success. The story behind the founding of the hospital runs very deep. Legend has it that Arthur G. James was actually the great-great-grandson of the famous outlaw, Jesse James. Arthur contended before his death that his own family genealogy told of Jesse escaping the law and dying of a “mysterious ailment in the bowels.” James contends this ailment of his great grandfather was colon cancer, and thereby set him on a lifelong path to cure it. After the building of the great hospital, his dream is coming closer to becoming a reality.
Josh Coyle is a junior in industrial design, and a full-time prankster. Questions or complaints can be sent to [email protected].
