When Spring Quarter rolls around, so do dogs on the Oval. And I couldn’t help but wonder: Why do college students spend time and money on canine companions?
Our schedules are likely filled with classes, homework, a job, parties, time at the gym. So there must be a reason for all the time spent poop scooping.
And the majority of college students live on a tight budget, eating Ramen noodles, Easy Mac and free food at campus events. So there must be a reason to spend that last buck on Kibbles ‘n Bits instead of tickets to a concert, a drink at the bar or a meal at a nice restaurant.
Maybe college students need someone to keep the monsters away at night. Maybe they want a resume builder to prove they can handle responsibility. Or maybe they just enjoy the smell of dog breath. But one reason seems to trump them all — to attract the opposite sex.
I imagine that for guys, the fantasy goes something like this:
Wearing nothing but a bikini, a hot girl lies on a beach blanket, soaking up the sun’s rays on the Oval. She sits up for a second to apply more tanning oil to her legs, when, suddenly, something catches her attention. It’s a puppy, leaping and yipping at the feet of his handsome owner.
Her long hair blowing in the wind, she thinks to herself, “Aw, what a compassionate guy. He must be responsible and caring, playful and loyal. I’d really like to go pet his puppy. And then have sex with him.”
For girls, the fantasy is probably a bit different. Perhaps it goes something like this:
A cute guy is strolling down the sidewalk, about to pass a tiny furball on a leash, when, suddenly, the creature crosses his path. Its leash becomes tangled in the gentleman’s legs.
“Sorry about that,” the dog owner says, blushing with a giggle. “He seems to like you.”
“Not a problem,” says the gallant gentleman, unwinding the leash from his legs. He hands it over to her, his hand gently grazing hers. Then their eyes meet. It’s destiny.
But here’s the reality.
Guys: If a girl approaches you on the Oval, she’s probably more interested in your dog. And wouldn’t you rather have a girl’s attention for yourself? Let’s face it: Fido’s not wingman material. After all, he’s the one giving her slobbery kisses on the Oval, not you. And how can you compete with those glistening eyes, that happy-go-lucky tail and the best “move” in the book — rolling over for a belly rub.
Girls: Getting tangled in a dog’s leash is a pain in the you-know-what. What happens if your dream guy trips over the leash, breaks his kneecap and sues you before he can ever take you out on a date? And how do you know your furry friend won’t choose a so-called “creeper?” Wouldn’t you rather be the one making selection decisions than the one making up excuses to flee the scene?
So if you own a dog for the canine companionship, that’s one thing. But don’t use a dog to pursue your unrealistic fantasies. Chances are reality will sink in pretty quickly. The truth is: Fido would rather fetch you a Frisbee than a date for Friday night.
