We all know what day is upon us I don’t think I need to spell it out. And yes I, like most of my friends, have spent numerous minutes railing against this tacky holiday.Perhaps I’m just another person who is bitter because she doesn’t have a honey to spoil her on this day. Or perhaps I’m just sick of recognizing a day designed to make single people feel like losers.Actually my anti-valentines sentiments go back to my grade school days. Remember those little boxes of store bought cards that you’d get and hand out to all your friends? Well, I remember at my school we got real competitive about how many cards one got.One year I had a banner harvest. I counted those cheap little squares of colored paper and gleefully realized that I had almost as many cards as the most popular girl in school.For about two minutes I was on top of the world. Then, I looked over at this kid, he was the kid everyone picked on, (I think every school has one), and he had about five cards (probably from the kids whose moms made them give a card to everyone).The look on that kid’s face destroyed my triumphant moment.Since then Valentine’s Day has gone down hill. High School was just one big $1 carnation competition. And adulthood… well I seem to have developed a natural aversion to things that are pink and heart shaped.Of course having worked in a retail establishment that depended on Valentine’s day sales didn’t help either. There’s nothing like a cranky husband, doing his obligatory shopping at the last minute, to suck the romance right out of you.I used to fight V’Day. One year my friends and I stocked up on slasher films (no romance there!) and junk food, and barricaded ourselves inside until Feb. 14 had passed.Another time we dressed in black and got drunk enough that the only thing I wanted to hug was the bed to stop the room from spinning.However, no matter what I did Valentine’s Day kept coming back. Just like the good doctor’s Grinch I have been fighting a loosing battle against a holiday.So learning from the Grinch I decided to plop my butt down in Whoville and get with the program.I reached in to the far recesses of my memory and found a time when Valentine’s Day was still fun. I bought Ren and Stimpy Valentine’s day cards to pass out to friends and co-workers (by the way if you didn’t get a card from me it’s because I didn’t think you knew me and I don’t want you filing a sexual harassment complaint against me).I even made heart shaped cookies with fattening pink frosting for every one to munch on.You know what? I still hate Valentine’s Day.Let’s face it, this is a truly stupid holiday.I tried, I really did. I made a huge effort, OK sure I was grinding my teeth while I shopped for cards and, it took amazing self control to keep from dying my frosting black, but truly I tried to change my attitude and find my Valentine’s spirit.So, I guess I’ll continue to be a cynical bitter woman who thinks Cupid should be shot in the ass with a B.B. gun, which is just fine with me. In the immortal word of The J. Geils band ‘Love stinks, yeah yeah.’I do however like Easter, it has the best candy of all the holidays.
Heather Luce is a senior majoring in journalism who would like to thank everyone who provided her with the Valentine’s candy which gave her the sugar buzz necessary to write this column.
