My host family in Spain was amazed when I told them Americans have drive-thru windows at fast food restaurants because we eat in our cars. They were shocked to hear me say Americans are too busy and too lazy to actually get out of their cars and walk inside to gulp down their cholesterol-laden Super Value meals.
I would love to hear what they think about the new drive-in brothels in Cologne, Germany. At first, I wondered if Germans needed these drive-in brothels because they, also, are too busy and too lazy.
What would one say into the microphone at one of these establishments? I could just hear the orders pouring in for “Happy Meals.” Of course, they probably come with the complimentary “toy,” not suitable for children under the age of 18. The “toy” would probably have to be constructed out of parts which cannot be choked on as well.
Since the Germans have lifted our American, westernized drive-thru concept, it leads me to wonder if they could, in fact, raid our slogan stockpile as well: “We love to make you smile,” “Have it your way” and “Home of the Whopper.”
Perhaps the drive-in brothel takes on the nostalgia of the American drive-in from the 1950s, where your order came out with the girl on roller skates. I’m sure they “root-beer-float” your boat, either way. Or, maybe the drive-ins take on a stone-age feel, as seen in the opening song for “The Flintstones.” Even Fred was able to have his own rack of meat brought out to his car, with Wilma sitting next to him.
Yet, I am concerned for what this new form of prostitution will do to the industry. If Taco Bell can serve up low-grade beef, it won’t take long before the German’s “chimichangas” start to go downhill as well.
As an American, I am outraged at the misuse of our beloved drive-thru window. The drive-in/drive-thru was an invention born from corporate America’s desire to cater to pleas for speedier service. The reason we go to restaurants is because we’re too lazy to go home and cook for ourselves.
Not only do we want someone else to do all the work for us, but we want them to do it fast. This highly Americanized concept should not be applied to some things, including prostitution.
Drive-in brothels are a bad idea; it will only make the world blame us for Amercanizing/westernizing their sex. I wish the people of Cologne would abandon McSex, before the entire world’s sexual culture is transformed into the same low-grade, speedy experience.
Monica Torline is a senior in journalism and a campus editor at The Lantern. While she is opposed to drive-in brothels, she deems it appopriate that Boss Doggs is able to sell their sausages on the street corners of campus. She can be reached for comment at [email protected].
