There are those who label my weekly critique a sham, nothing but a base capitulation to crude backwater Ohio tastes. Freud would say I’m a slave to my id, my base primal nature. Why must I feel like that; why must I eat so fat?
Nothing but the dog in me, I suppose. This week’s high-minded review will focus upon the recent entrant of Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shoppe, just across from Ted’s Montana Grille in the Arena District, into our local ice cream-hot dog market.
With more than 30 different flavors of super premium ice cream, it’s not your average Graeter’s. The difference comes down to the amount of milk fat you keep in your ice cream. If you’re due for a little dietary indiscretion, Ben and Jerry’s can strap it to ya with an intense 18 percent milk fat content, but that’s just the theory, baby. In practice, the flava’s very real, and the texture is smoother and creamier. The taste blasts off like pipe bombs in the mailboxes of your mind.
As you approach the counter, don’t cheat yourself by rushing through the decision process. Some of the flavors will look familiar, some won’t. Here’s a hint, it all tastes new. Tired, old flavors take a novel approach. New flavors are as delicious as they are unique. Take advantage of the free samples, folks.
Six dollars sent a banana split sailing my way on an industry-standard plastic boat laden with three scoops of ice cream betwixt whipped cream, nuts and banana halves. My ultimate decision regarding the flavors was Sweet Cream with Cookies, Chunky Monkey and Peach.
The Sweet Cream with Cookies was decked-out and going for broke. Imagine sweet cream littered with whole and broken ice cream sandwich cookies. While time will tell, in my humble opinion, this takes the cookies and cream concept just as far as mankind should.
Chunky Monkey represents a radical concept for banana ice cream as a flavor. Delicious fudge chunks and walnuts aside, the banana ice cream tasted like fresh, ripe bananas. Put those Runts® down and hear me: This flavor is for real.
Co-masticator Gavin agrees, writing, “Chunky Monkey is a cool, refreshing blast of light banana flavor juxtaposed with crunchy nuts and chocolate chunks. A disparate yet satisfying concoction.”
My peach ice cream was similarly outstanding. While I’m unsure just how Ben & Jerry’s is getting their peaches to taste so fresh and juicy, the fruit tastes like it was mixed in that morning. The flavor isn’t too strong – just rich, radical and robust the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it.
The Scoop Shoppe offers a hot dog topped with chili and cheese. Co-masticator Mark tested it and writes, “While I enjoyed the coney dog, it was nothing special. The coney sauce tasted like the Hormel chili sauce my mom used to buy to make coney dogs for me when I was a kid. Nothing against Hormel chili sauce, but I expected better from Ben & Jerry’s.”
Co-masticator Nishanta sampled the Mango Lime Smoothie Splash. He comments, “Incredible. You can’t have this one too fast, but it was something that was good to nurse. I imagined the mango heavily outweighing the lime in this combination, but that wasn’t the case. It was well-balanced, so it kept true to its name. I would recommend this with a hot dog, and not something cold.”
Indeed, it was a bit chilly inside the Shoppe, both with regards to average kinetic energy and social atmosphere. Co-Masticator Nishanta noted, “With no music and extremely high ceilings, your conversations echoed a lot. Maybe it would be better with more people, but I just felt bad talking, as if we were in a holy place.” Co-Masticator Gavin writes, “The atmosphere was uncomfortable. Like an operating room.”
In conclusion, with a little work, this Scoop Shoppe could be the benchmark by which all others are judged. My advice: Buy the eats, and take them outside. It’s bound to stop raining someday, right?
Hank Mylander is a graduating senior from Westerville in management information systems. He’s glad to see everybody’s stopped rioting. The Masticator can be reached for comment and criticism at [email protected].
