Dear Readers,
I wanted to send out a special welcome to Ohio State University. It’s amazing to have the Lantern and OSU as part of this forum (my dad is an OSU graduate). For those of you unfamiliar with me or the “Help Me, Harlan! College” column, I’m an Indiana University graduate (#1 party school, an absurd ranking). My advice column has been around for about eight years and can be read in newspapers all over the country. If you have something to say, please, just send it in. I’m looking forward to a long relationship filled with lots of OSU problems (and yes, I’ll mention all new newspapers in coming months).
For those of you unfamiliar with “The Rejection Diary,” over the past five or so years, I’ve been working to create the largest rejection community in the world. It’s an ongoing effort to change rejection from negative to normal. Basically, I’ve seen that rejection is the most normal and least talked about part of the dating (and living) process. Please check out more information on my Web site (www.helpmeharlan.com). For now, it’s time for another entry from “The Rejection Diary.”
Hi Harlan,
My sophomore year in college I fell in love with a boy in one of my classes. We spent a lot of time together. Though nothing physical ever happened, I thought for sure that he felt the same way. However, he gradually distanced himself from me when he realized I had fallen for him. It got to the point that we’d be having a conversation and I’d just sit there, silent and blushing, beaming at him. I think I scared the hell out of him and he stopped being my friend altogether.
This was three years ago, and though it’s gotten a lot better, I don’t think I’ll ever really get over him. What bothers me the most is the thought that if I just handled myself better, he might have begun to love me. I just fell so fast and hard, and had never fallen before and just didn’t have a clue what too do. So when I saw him I couldn’t breathe or speak, or I just shook like crazy and talked way to much, which I’m sure made him think I was nuts. I’d just like another chance. I’d like to meet him all over again and see what happens…
Missed opportunity
Dear Missed,
And all these years you thought it was you, but it might never have been you. It could have been “rejection by circumstance.”
Rejection by circumstance is a form of rejection that occurs as result of circumstances beyond you. While you think it’s you, it’s not. For example, there could have been a long distance girlfriend in the picture. There could have been an ex haunting his life. He could have been in the midst of a bad episode of herpes, genital warts, or syphilis (or all of the above). While you thought it was you – it could have been something else. You can’t second guess yourself. You can, but it will only leave you guessing.
Understand there are lots of guys out there. Until you can get comfortable with yourself and the “Universal Rejection Truth” (the idea that not everyone can be with everyone) you’ll fall too fast and too hard. And then, you’ll spend years wondering what you did wrong. But really, you did nothing wrong – nothing.
Write Harlan to [email protected] or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Copyright Harlan Cohen.
