The word “rape” typically connotes a woman being sexually assaulted by a man. But rapists don’t always have to be men, and women aren’t always the victim in sexual violence.
Sexual assault against men and sexual violence in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community is a reality for many that most don’t want to talk about.
One in seven males will be raped before the age of 18 and one in five will be raped in a lifetime, said Will Randle of the Mount Carmel Crime and Trauma Assistance Program.
“It’s hard to tell your dad, ‘yeah, when I was being hazed for my fraternity, I was raped by three guys.’ That really doesn’t fly,” Randle said.
Gays and lesbians are often reluctant to talk about sexual assault because they fear the community’s misperceptions about their lifestyle may affect the way they respond, said Melissa Murray, who works in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Student Services.
“In the GLBT community, people don’t talk about it because we’re trying to gain acceptance as a community in general, and this would be one more thing to judge us by,” Murray said.
Sexual violence in the GLBT community generally falls under three different categories: sexual assault from a stranger or an acquaintance, sexual assault occurring in the context of a relationship, and sexual assault as a homophobic hate crime, said Rebecca Gurney, program coordinator at the Buckeye Region Anti-Violence Organization.
Pick-up crimes – a gay or lesbian is picked up at a bar or club by someone claiming to be homosexual and then sexually assaulted – have been brought under the spotlight in the media coverage given to the Matthew Shepard case. Shepard, a gay man, was lured from a bar by two men posing as homosexuals, who drove him to the outskirts of town, tied him to a fence, savagely beat him and left him to die.
BRAVO has also dealt with a small number of lesbians assaulted by a family member, who typically believed they could “turn the woman straight” through sex, Gurney said.
BRAVO differs from most other rape crisis centers, in that men make up a large portion of those served, while most other groups are set up to meet women’s needs. Several reasons can explain why gay men wouldn’t come forward to report rape.
“It’s a different kind of issue for men,” Gurney said. Many men may not want to talk about their experiences, or may feel many of the support services are not applicable to them.
Lesbians may choose not to come forward for a different reason.
“Some people only view rape in terms of penetration by a penis, and may not acknowledge a woman raping a woman as rape,” Murray said.
According to the Ohio Revised Code, penetration is “the insertion, however slight, of any part of the body, of any instrument, apparatus, or other object into the vaginal or anal cavity of another.”
An estimated one in 10 of all survivors of rape will report the crime, a figure which Gurney said is probably dramatically lower for the GLBT community.
“Out of 10, probably way less than one will come forward,” she said.
Cultural stereotypes are likely to play a role in this small number, Murray said.
“Anybody in the GLBT community might not come forward and report rape because of fear of a stigma from the police or from a hospital,” Murray said. “It’s difficult to try to get help from the hospital when the doctor could be homophobic.
BRAVO often acts as a liaison between gay and lesbian crime victims and the police or hospital.
“We will help folks fill out police reports, because some GLBT people have a questionable relationship with police,” Gurney said.
Police officers and fire fighters are offered training sessions in “Homophobia 101” through BRAVO. The sessions were started after BRAVO learned of a group of Columbus fire fighters who drove by a lesbian bar and shouted, “dykes,” and other sexually-oriented slurs.
BRAVO helps survivors of rape find support groups to help aid in the healing process, but Gurney said support groups for lesbian survivors far outnumber those for gay men survivors.
“Lesbians can go to support groups every day of the week and not bat an eye, but men just aren’t into support groups,” Gurney said.
In fact, men who have been sexually assaulted, whether straight or gay, typically prefer a more private, anonymous type of therapy, such as the Internet, hotlines or books.
“In our culture, specifically, gender is a social construct, which means we have to fall into these social roles,” said Randle, who is organizing a therapy group for male survivors of sexual assault.
“Can men be raped? Most people would say ‘no,’ ” Randle said. “Most people believe men aren’t victims; men aren’t penetrated, they penetrate.”
Ninety percent of men who are sexually assaulted won’t tell anyone about it for their entire life, Randle said. Often, these pent-up feelings turn into anger, hostility and dissociation, or shoving the memories away.
Frequently, the only person a male will tell is a therapist. Randle said he hopes his group will bridge the gap between individual counseling and group counseling for men.
“It’s much more powerful for (a male sexual assault survivor) to experience eight other guys who are saying he’s not any less of a man than he was before,” he said.
Common misperceptions abound on the subject of male rape.
“Most people think men who are raped are weak and fairy-like,” Randle said. “But it happens a lot in fraternities, in the military and in prison.”
Another persistent belief is that a man who is either raped or who rapes someone else must be gay. In fact, most gay men who are sexually assaulted are assaulted by a straight man, Randle said. In this case, the rape is usually a hate crime, which serves to take power away from an entire community, rather than an individual.
The biggest obstacle to men coming forward and dealing with rape experiences is men often don’t know how to talk about their experience.
“Finding the words is almost impossible for men, especially straight men,” Randle said. “It usually takes five or six sessions for a man to even mention the word ‘rape,’ which connotes that you were helpless, you were a victim.”
