It should be no surprise to anyone who knows me, or anyone who has read my columns in the past, to know I love movies. Almost a little too much I imagine.
When it comes to movies, I’m the kind of person who essentially loves about everything – which some might say really means I don’t like anything or I have no taste.
That’s not entirely true though; I’ve hated my fair share of films. I can think of a few movies from last year alone that I thought were absolute drivel – like “Daredevil.”
But I do tend to be a little more forgiving of “bad” movies than most people, and I get excited by movies that cause most to roll their eyes. Like I will see anything David Spade does because I think he’s hilarious. But I think one reason why I’m able to see some movies others won’t waste their time with is because I just love going to the movies.
I love the whole ritual of movie watching: buying a ticket, possibly smuggling in a few cans of pop, getting there a little early and finding the best seats and – if no one is in front of me – sticking my feet through the little slits between the seats in front of me to stretch out a bit.
To me, movies are almost like a religion. It makes sense when you think about it; there’s a place of worship for the modern movie watcher in just about every American town. The biggest differences are that the collection plate is a lot more mandatory and while there is communion, it costs like $8. But you do get free refills on the body of Christ, and it also comes with a tasty fat-filled buttery topping.
Like most religions, movie watchers have rules – although ours is more of a code of etiquette. The biggest movie rule, of course, is don’t talk. But this isn’t really true in my personal practice. I make smart comments to my friends all the time during movies. Even movies I have a reverent feeling toward, like “Lord of the Rings.” It’s not so much a don’t-talk rule; it’s a don’t-talk-so-loud-that-other-people-cannot-hear-the-movie rule.
Then of course there are the people who yell at the screen. If this is something that frequently happens while you’re at the theater, you are choosing the wrong movie or cinema. I am not one of the yellers, but I do know that when there’s a lot of them, it means I’m on their turf. Being upset by this would be like getting mad at an energetic gospel congregation who have to get their amens and hallelujahs out.
What’s with people who dress up in special Halloween costumes when going to the movies? The only time this is acceptable is if you are at a special midnight showing. That’s like a secret gathering of geeks, and it’s expected of you to be a little “out there.” But if it’s any other show, why wear a costume? Hello, it’s a movie. You’re being entertained by a giant picture projected onto a screen. Why do you need to wear a costume to have a good time? If you need to wear a costume to have fun at the movie, maybe you don’t like the film as much as you think you do.
If you have a group of people of, say, six or more, chances are if you get to the theater late, you’re not going to find a seat where you can all sit together. Do not try to make others move down in their aisle for you. They’re sitting where they are because they had the foresight to get there earlier and find their perfect seat.
There’s no reason to fill a row of people anyway, in order not to violate the shalt-not-talk commandment. You should only talk to someone right next to you anyway, otherwise it is too loud. Split up and enjoy the movie. Then when the movie is over, reunite the group, go get some food or coffee and discuss the movie with everyone.
And lastly, please don’t pick on the guy at the movies alone in the afternoon. It hurts my feelings.
Ryan Silverman is a senior in English. He can be reached for comment at [email protected].
