Eliza Sabo, campus advocacy coordinator with the OhioHealth Sexual Assault Response Network of Central Ohio (SARNCO), describes emotional abuse as the most prevalent form of abuse in interpersonal violence. Credit: Faith Schneider | Arts & Life Photo Editor
Love is blind, but heartbreak can open your eyes. For some individuals, it takes even more than heartbreak.
Eliza Sabo, campus advocacy coordinator with the OhioHealth Sexual Assault Response Network of Central Ohio (SARNCO), and Leslie Rudy, director of the Psychological Services Center at Ohio State, explained common tendencies in interpersonal violence relationships, offering advice for anyone who may be in an abusive relationship.
An IPV relationship is “any form of abuse, mistreatment, or neglect that a child or adult experiences from a family member, or from someone with whom they have an intimate relationship,” according to the Ohio Office of Criminal Justice Service’s website.
According to Sabo, some people subconsciously look for a partner to abuse on a long-term basis. People who exhibit high rates of power and control will be more likely to pursue these dynamics in relationships, Sabo said.
“[These people] are looking for someone to long-term abuse,” Sabo said. “They might not even be aware of that.”
These individuals will be more likely to target vulnerable people, as they are more susceptible to gaslighting and emotional abuse, Sabo said.
“I think there is a level of vulnerability for folks who have intersecting compounding vulnerabilities that might make them less believable, more susceptible, easier to harm,” Sabo said.
Rudy said many people who experience IPV will be able to process it through support from their loved ones, rather than professional psychiatric help.
“A significant percentage of people will not experience psychological distress rising to a level that would require treatment,” Rudy said.
The type of psychological symptoms an individual might endure from IPV can vary, Rudy said. This can depend on whether or not the individual has experienced situations like IPV before.
“They might experience ongoing depression, they might have struggles with anxiety or dealing with post-traumatic stress symptoms,” Rudy said. “Some folks who have a history of this type of victimization struggle when they are ready to move on to a new relationship.”
These symptoms are not surprising considering that the longest and perhaps most harmful stage of the abuse in intimate partner violence is emotional, Sabo said.
“The most significant and the biggest phase is the emotional abuse,” Sabo said. “It all starts with that. Then physical abuse is sometimes added, and sexual abuse is sometimes added, but the emotional abuse is the key factor to the power and control that one partner has over the other.”
When an individual chooses a psychologist specific to their needs, Rudy said to make sure to do some research. A cognitive behavioral therapist or even an interpersonal approach may be best, Rudy said.
“My personal orientation is to provide treatment that has been supported by empirical research,” Rudy said.
Sabo said there are warning signs between the individual and their partner, such as body language and an outsider’s own intuition, that could indicate IPV. However, arguments or tense body language do not always insinuate an abusive relationship, Sabo said.
“We all have arguments in our relationships,” Sabo said. “An argument in a relationship is not an abusive relationship.”
People need to be courageous in case someone is in danger, Sabo said. Asking if they are okay and safe is vital in case the signs of abuse reveal a larger issue between the couple, Sabo said.
“It could be this small public viewing of something that is much, much deeper. Like, it could just be the tip of the iceberg,” Sabo said. “I think as family, as friends, as colleagues, we have to be brave and ask that question, you know, like, ‘Are you okay?’, ‘Are things okay?,’ ‘Are you being treated well?’”
Getting out of an abusive relationship can be quite challenging, Sabo said. Many factors in a relationship could make it difficult to leave, especially an abusive one, Sabo said.
“I think sometimes the most challenging thing is recognizing that that’s the pattern of behavior that’s happening in their relationship, and they should give themselves some grace, because intimate partner relationships are complex,” Sabo said. “No one person is all things. No one person is all evil, even though they might do harmful things and there may be a pattern of harmful behavior.”
In addition to more emotional factors, Sabo said living and financial factors may impact a person’s ability to leave a relationship. It may be difficult for someone to recognize they are in a pattern of harmful behavior, Sabo said.
“They may have to make decisions about their finances, their housing, their security,” Sabo said. “How safe are they if they choose to leave? They may have to make decisions about pets and other complications like children.”
Sabo said the decision to leave is not up to their friends, families or sexual violence advocates like themselves—it is ultimately decided by the person in the relationship.
“It’s hard to see that sometimes, especially when we’re in a relationship where someone has been emotionally abusing us,” Sabo said. For those experiencing IPV, The Women’s Place at Ohio State’s website has resources available. To learn more about IPV, Ohio State has additional information online.
