The local public access channel combines Christian programming with an eclectic mix of the strangest people Columbus offers. From religious fanatics to wannabe vampires, Community 21 has something for everyone.Last year, I withstood the temptation of cable for the whole year. I was going good this year until the combination of a persistent cable salesman and my stoned roommate led to the evil black box getting hooked up in our apartment.Like crack, it crept up on me and now controls my free time. Despite the fact the 70-some channels are devoid of anything meaningful, I’ll often sit drooling, watching old “Saved By the Bell” episodes before conceding nothing is on.While Community 21 might not offer more than usual in the substance department, it has the same appeal as a circus freak show. There you can view the sometimes refreshing and original but more often painfully amateur consequences of letting the public control a television station.The religious shows are a constant. It’s a safe bet if you stop on 21 during the day, some Christian loon will be preaching the fire-and-brimstone. Coming from a town that’s home to holy healer Ernest Angley, I’m used to TV preachers at least being amusingly crazy. These folks aren’t.There’s also educational programming. “Bee B’s Clown Show” features an old fatty who dresses in a clown getup, often singing and dancing for the kiddies. She brings her rat-like mutt along for the ride, and treats us to stop-motion balloon animal recreations of popular stories.Bee B has one of the few straight programs that deliver belly laughs. Another is “Painting With Tali,” which answers the question: “What if Bob Ross was a weird Latino gay guy?” Tali sprinkles bits of wisdom between brushstrokes on starving artist show fare.Another in the Bizarro public television personalities category is Walt Peterson. With a Fred Rogers demeanor, Peterson delivers oddly elaborate costume dramas for the masses. Billing himself as the Cecil B. DeMille of public access, he’s more like the Ed Wood of the station.”IWA Wrestling” has WWF-style action with a Cowtown flair. Filmed in what looks like a garage with a ring inside, wrestlers such as the Sexual Chocolate Chip perform in front of fans who could pass for “Deliverance” extras.Most of the 21 cast are amateur comedians with variety shows. There’s Squirtman, who in a recent episode of his show putted around town in a toy Batmobile until cops made him stop. But the marquee show on Community 21 is Damon Zex. Zex is not much different from the gothic public access skit on Saturday Night Live, only he’s not poking fun at would-be dark warriors. He wears Crow-esque white face paint, and his schtick involves trying desperately to shock conservative Columbus residents.After 10:30, the channel delves into no-holds barred territory. Zex takes full advantage by trying to squash in as many drugs and dirty words as a half-hour can fit. Some local yahoos have fallen for the bait, complaining about him on the local TV news. This allows Zex to go into martyr mode as a poster boy for free speech. One might buy this if his show wasn’t so obvious and boring. Repeating his mantra “F*** for Drugs” as often as humanly possible, Zex will daringly hit bowls and snort lines to cheesy music and bad special effects.A promising variety show that’s coming soon is from Matt “Fatty” Sattler, former Undergraduate Student Government presidential candidate. You may remember Sattler as the candidate who promised a lazy river through campus, Mr. T as a commencement speaker, and dressed his running mate up as a mute monkey for the formal debate. With Sattler joining the Freak Brigade, there’s one more reason to waste time on 21. More often than not, Community 21 denizens trade shock value for meaningful satire. Not that it’s such a bad thing: Anything offensive is inherently good. If you’re going to kill brain cells, you might as well do it in style.
Nathan Crabbe is a junior from Akron who wishes Damon Zex would wash the white crap off and come clean about driving a station wagon and living with his Mom. His talk show can be heard 7 PM on KBUX.
