Greek guy tries to defend the system
As a member of this cloning experiment gone wrong, known collectively as the greek system, discovered by crack investigative reporter and creative genius Nathan Crabbe, I would like to extend an apology. As an inhabitant of the cloning epicenter, known as 15th Avenue (the Beta house to be specific), I am sorry we annoy you and your friends with our rush. I apologize that we dress so unoriginal as well. I admit members of fraternities and sororities do dress similarly, just as you and you friends do with a different style of clothes, we just choose places to shop other than one of the creative dress headquarters, usually known better as the Salvation Army.I also apologize that we sometimes complain that our live our lives are busy, but we don’t have time to release stress playing bongo drums in the oval with our dog. We are busy doing all this “fake” community service you talked about. Sorry it gets a little hectic organizing events that raise well over a million dollars collectively for the community, we do get stressed. I feel bad that you feel your tuition is being wasted, but ask how much the university gets from greek system members, a lot more than they give us, not a bad investment I feel. I know what you mean, for a lot more school funding we get this piece of crap, thrown together so-called newspaper called the Lantern written by idiots daily, great deal, man!The thing I really feel bad about are all our irresponsible drunk fests, as you like to look at them as. We implement a comprehensive risk management risk management policy that ensures the safety and well-being of every member and guest in attendance. I apologize that I choose to spend my free time with a group of men I am so close to that I call them brothers, and when we decide to have a party it is with a sorority that is now filled to capacity with classy, intelligent, beautiful young ladies you call “clones.” I mean there is nothing like Dungeons and Dragons in a stuffy dorm room “being an individual and creative” on a Friday night, plus you don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases or argue over whose paying for that pesky abortion.You are right, you’re smarter than me. I rushed and joined the greek system. I meet real people, that are my friends to the bone, make connections that will hopefully assist me in being successful in the future, and party with girls that made a similar choice every weekend. You’ve sure got it a lot better than I do, but I’m glad you think that because I don’t want negative dim-witted people like you in my greek system anyway.I wrote this letter as a free thinking individual, I’m not brain washed yet. Thanks for your time to listen to a brain washed, cloned drunken “frat daddy.
Rob J.. Sheard Sophomore, communications technologies
Editors note: The Lantern is a completely self-funded publication that contributes approximately 6 percent of all profits to OSU annually.
