I wish I could tell you verbatim the entire story line to ‘The Relic’ so you won’t waste your money, but I guess it’s unethical and some of you probably won’t listen anyway.Let me just put it this way, my friend Justin, who went with me, not only fell asleep but woke up, fell asleep, woke up and fell asleep again. I had to buy him dinner as an apology for making him stay through the whole movie.The movie, a feature from Paramount Pictures, is a collection of one-dimensional roles; a disbelieving workaholic scientist, a superstitious cop, an eccentric but insightful old museum curator, a sick-humored coroner and B-grade horror devices, including a screechy ‘Psycho’-type soundtrack.The plot centers around the Chicago Museum of Natural History. their ancient tribal relic on display, and the monster that evolves from the relic to mutilate anyone in the museum. Even the monster is a disappointment. Designed by H.R. Geiger, who created the ‘Alien,’ it looks like a hybrid between the Alien and something from ‘Jurassic Park,’ with a mohawk.The violence parodies itself as it pathetically tries to make up for lack of substance or suspense. There was a pained laughter from the audience during a scene where the monster beheaded a police paratrooper in rigid ‘Mortal Kombat’ style.This movie is way too long. There is no building of plot. Characters and potentially interesting details are left undeveloped and, in some cases, unresolved in favor of the worn out ‘chase or be chased.’