Jerry, Jerry, JERRY!Welcome, everyone, to another episode of the Jerry Springer Show. I’m your host, Jerry Springer. Today we have a special episode for all you college kids, strippers and deadbeat dads out there. Today’s question: Are talk shows to blame?Our guests today include Jenny Jones, from “The Jenny Jones Show,” Geoffrey Fieger, the lawyer best know for his defenses of Jack Kevorkian and his mud-slinging politics, and finally Nathan Collins, a fifth-year senior at Ohio State who appeared on the March 6, 1998 Jenny Jones episode, “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.”We’ll ask these three about genre television and if they’ve ever thought about each other naked when we come back.Welcome back, everyone. A jury in Michigan returned a $25 million civil judgment against “The Jenny Jones Show” on Friday. The verdict holds the television program accountable for the actions of a guest, Jonathan Schmitz, who killed another guest, Scott Amedure, in March 1995, three days after a taping of a never-aired episode about secret crushes.During the taping, Schmitz learned that his admirer was not a woman, but Amedure.Public relations melons at Warner Bros. have said that the jury’s verdict was motivated by emotion and will not stand up to an appeal because they are well-trained to spin any sentiment into an opposite and equally powerful impulse.My first question is for Jenny Jones. Jenny, would you rather have had the murder committed on your show?I am shocked and saddened by this verdict, Jerry. You know the ratings game that is played from the nightly news to morning cartoons. But when this happened, we went back. I thought back about the show and we all, you know, talked about it.We then and now still feel we did nothing wrong. The show’s content is protected by the First Amendment. You know Jerry, if I had treated those guests the way Fieger treated me on the stand, I think I would have been responsible.JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!Geoffrey Fieger, you were the prosecuting attorney for this case. Do you believe that Jenny Jones herself is gay?That’s right, Jerry. Just like those media whores at “60 Minutes” who aired the videotape sent to them by my highest-profile client yet, Jenny Jones tried to incite any violent action possible. It’s like I told Court TV: If putting a ball in a hoop is worth $100 million for Michael Jordan, how is a life not worth $5 million?But the episodes never aired, Mr. Fieger. Does that matter? And should people really take anything they see on TV seriously?Jerry, I don’t appreciate the absolute bias that you and the rest of the media have shown in this case. The entire television media has handled this verdict in an unethical and scurrilous way. Actually, I may want to express homoerotic emotions to Nathan Collins after this badgering I’ve gotten from you.JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!We hear what Nathan Collins thinks about homosexual acts on the Oval when we come back.Welcome back. Nathan, according to the Lantern, you faked being a bully to your real-life friend Frank Munyon and told to Jenny Jones producers you wanted to apologize to him on the show. Did “The Jenny Jones Show” make you gay?What? No, Jerry, it made me sick. I told them what they wanted to hear in exchange for a hotel room and a bar tab. The great thing about being friends with Frank before the show was that afterwards, he was able to tell me how the producers told him that he did not have to accept my apology and that I was an ***hole.Did Frank unveil his unconditional love for you later and take you back after all those years?We’ve been friends for a few years, Jerry. We made the whole thing up.I think we know what that means, studio audience!Jerry! JERRY!When we come back, my final thought.Welcome back. Let me start by saying that anyone taking a real problem onto one of these shows probably deserves to be killed. I don’t care if it’s my show, Montel’s show, or “60 Minutes.” As long as you use your television for more than the necessities – “The Simpsons,” “The Awful Truth” and the American Movie Classics channel – I’m going to keep trying to grab your attention with transvestite prostitutes and homosexual dogs. Until tomorrow, take care of yourself and each other.
Michael C. Bender is a senior majoring in history from Middleburg Heights, Ohio. He will be on an upcoming episode of the “Tempsett Show.”