It’s hard to swing a cat without whacking into millennium fever. Everyone from beer companies to M&M’s are slapping some millennium theme onto their products in an attempt to pull money from consumers. Hell, if the Backstreet Boys can call their latest album “Millennium” then all bets are off.Why not welcome 2000 in with someone who can do it all? Someone who can sing, dance and tell jokes. Someone who’s self declared “older than dirt.” Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and children of all ages, welcome back the Divine Miss M., Bette Midler. Midler brought her “Divine Miss Millennium Tour” to the Schottenstein Center Tuesday night. After a four year touring absence Midler dusted off the Divine Miss M. persona and hit the road. The show opened with Midler on top of a globe, singing “From A Distance.” She stood peaceful and smiling, the image that Midler projected through the late ’80s and early ’90s. Then the globe broke apart into various pieces and Midler launched into her recent dance hit “I’m Beautiful (Dammit!)” Flanked by eight singers/dancers Midler kicked the show into high gear.For those who only know Midler from her earth mother “Wind Beneath My Wings” days were in for a big surprise. Midler’s act is something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Blue as in language. Midler is quite fond of, as George Costanza would say, bawdy talk. Four letter words and off-color jokes were thrown in with a smile and a wink.Midler quickly lived up to her promise of “high tech and low brow.” Tacky and cheesy elements were taken to the next level. The “Divine Miss Millennium Tour” combines elements of all aspects of Midler’s career. The classic characters were there; Delores Delago, the wheelchair riding mermaid who in this incarnation was running for President, and Sophie the bawdy-talking wise-cracking friend. The bad jokes mixed with high class taste in songs of her ’70s days, the high drama balladry of the ’80s and ’90s combination of it all. There were more bad puns than a Friar’s club convention. More mentions of breasts than a staff meeting atPlayboy magazine. Yet, one of the biggest surprises came during “Sweet Marijuana” were Midler was joined on stage by two dancing joints. Established stars just don’t do that. And yet Midler didn’t skimp on the music. She drew from her sizable back catalog of music for an engaging performance. Her voice was stronger than albums, cassettes and CDs would have you believe. The choice in songs varied from straight ahead renditions of classics to her song parodies.And Midler did her homework, calling herself “Dorothy Teater’s worst nightmare,” and referring to her backup singers the Harlots as being “hotter than the Girls Rugby team.”In Midler’s words, “In an age of plastic bust, it’s hard to find someone you can trust.” Tuesday night’s show proved you can trust Midler to deliver the goods.