Harmon K. loves the snow. Last week, Harmon K. built a snowman. It was very nice. It was actually a snow-woman. But then Harmon K. remembered that sexuality is politically-incorrect. There is now a de-gendered snow-person in the yard. It is a very nice de-gendered snow-person. But Harmon K. and Big Al are not here to talk about gender issues. We are here to change your life and help you see the LIGHT.In the beginning was the Word, they say, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. That’s what John has to say about Jesus. Jesus is a pretty swell dude, we’re told. But look around campus today – people aren’t doing what Jesus told them to do. Harmon K. and Big Al don’t think that Jesus’ message is bad: after all, “Peace and Love, man” is pretty timeless.The problem is that the concept of a wandering Jewish carpenter doesn’t quite cut it with a generation raised to idolize The Rock and DragonBall Z. Gene Autry knew this and wanted to do something about it. In 1950, he sang a song about Jesus. Now, gentle readers, you may wonder what a de-gendered snow-person has to do with Jesus and Gene Autry. As Harmon K. was building that de-gendered snow-person, he was singing that Gene Autry song. It’s called “Frosty the Snowman.” But “Frosty the Snowman” is not about a snowman. Frosty the Snowman is actually a messianic figure, a Christ archetype.We shall now prove to you that Frosty the Snowman is Christ. Soon you too will recognize that Frosty the Snowman can be the savior to a new generation. “Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale they say/ He was made of snow but the children know/ How he came to life one day.” That’s exactly like Jesus! A lot of people don’t believe that Jesus existed and rose from the dead, but the “Children” of God know! Let’s explore further: Like Jesus, Frosty is a “jolly old soul.” Everybody liked to be with him. The “corncob pipe and button nose” is purely incidental.Can you believe that John the Baptist is mentioned in the song? John baptized Jesus by putting water on his head. There “must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found.”-the “hat,” of course, being the baptismal water. The “magic,” of course, is the Holy Spirit. What happens to Frosty next? “For when they placed it on his head, he began to dance around.” What does the Gospel of Matthew have to say about this? “Lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him.” Jesus then began to preach throughout Judea. Yes! Now you begin to see the Truth!The Frosty song now discusses Christian theology. Unlike the Gnostics, who believed Jesus was not fully human, real Christians know he is both fully man and fully God. Likewise Frosty is both fully man and fully snow. “Oh, Frosty the Snowman was alive has he could be, And the children say he could laugh and play just the same as you and me.”Jesus knew that he would be crucified and killed in Jerusalem. Frosty speaks for him when he says, “Frosty the snowman knew the sun was hot that day, So he said “Let’s run and we’ll have some fun, Now before I melt away.” That’s referring to Jesus’ preaching, feeding the 4,000, and walking on water – activities Big Al, at least, considers fun. Jesus knew that the fun must end, and he must go to Jerusalem. In Jerusalem, he kicks the moneychangers out of the temple and generally aggravates everybody. What does Frosty do? “Down to the village with a broomstick in his hand/ Running here and there all around the square/ Saying ‘Catch me if you can.'”The final stanza of the song explicitly invokes the passion and sacrifice of Christ. The traffic-cop can only refer to Pontius Pilate. “He led them down the streets of town, Right to the traffic cop. And he only paused a moment, When he heard him holler STOP! For Frosty the snowman had to hurry on his way, But he waved goodbye saying “Don’t you cry, I’ll be back again some day.”Now, that’s real religion. “Behold,” says the Revelation, “I come quickly; and my reward is with me.” Even so, come, Lord Frosty.
Harmon K. is a senior zoology/history major. Big Al is a sophomore Russian major from Upper Arlington. Dylan’s Mr. Tambourine Man is also a Christ allegory.