There are only three types of entrees that can truly justify a $25 check for one person: steak, lobster and steak.

While ordering my chicken curry, I couldn’t help but wonder how exactly the management was rationalizing its price. I envisioned a chicken and rice dish garnished with a 20-ounce steak and a Maine lobster tail.

Although the Indo-Pak-Bengali cuisine at the Indian Oven, located at 2346 N. High St., was by no means bad, the service and prices made me long for McDonald’s.

Imagine a restaurant with a notice out front reading “No Fat People. No Old People. No Handicapped People.”

Well, instead of a sign, the Indian Oven uses a long, steep flight of concrete steps without a handicap ramp, or even a handrail.

They might not use a sign, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who their preferred clientele is. I had luckily brought along my friend and Sherpa guide Nishanta, to help me through the experience.

Upon reaching the summit and entering the restaurant, I found it almost humorous to note the restrooms were located up another daunting flight of stairs. I can only imagine the horror of bringing your elderly grandmother to this expensive restaurant only to have to sling her over your shoulder and carry her upstairs to take her to the restroom.

The interior of the restaurant was tiny with a series of small tables with aluminum/vinyl chairs. Placing large mirrors on the walls was a tricky attempt to make the room feel larger, but experienced masticators will not be fooled. It was the size of a pygmy shoebox, period.

The foyer where we waited to be seated could comfortably hold two average-sized people, so hope the restaurant’s not busy when you arrive.

While waiting, I went ahead and tried the masala, a kind of after dinner snack consisting of seeds with candy mixed in. While some of my readers may find the strong flavors of licorice and mint enjoyable, I found them a bit overpowering. Let’s just put it this way: There’s not much danger of anyone trying to steal handfuls of this stuff to take home.

After being seated, we had a chance to peruse the menu. Trying to decipher the nature of the ethnic items presented was difficult though I luckily had Nishanta to explain the dishes a bit more clearly.

After ordering, our waiter brought out our water and four large tortilla chips with a green coriander-based hot sauce. The taste is similar to cilantro with a kick. The intricate sauce, though spicy, had a very pleasant aftertaste.

Then we became the table that time forgot. We sat and waited for our drinks to be brought out for about 10 minutes. I ordered the mango lassi, which is a kind of yogurt-based mango milkshake that supposedly goes well with spicy Indian food. My lassi was running a bit heavy on the yogurt, which almost completely masked the taste of mango. For $3 I expected a hell of a lot more than a screwed up 10-ounce fruit shake. For Christ’s sake, I could order an entire meal at Wendy’s for the price of that God-forsaken mango lassi. My advice to you readers: Stick with some iced tea.

After the lassi, we waited another 15 minutes for our appetizer to come out. I half joked that the Indian management must have sensed my English heritage, as our service truly got worse and worse. If had wanted bad service, I’d have gone to Denny’s.

The appetizer was almost worth the wait. The samosas were deep-fried triangular pastries of white flour stuffed with potatoes, green peas and spices. Made from scratch and served piping hot, they were the stars of the evening as far as I was concerned.

At this point, Nishanta pointed out, “One particular of Indian culture is our more relaxed table manners. You can slouch, lean on the table, and eat with your hands.” While the prospect of using my hands was inviting, I tend to get enough on my clothes already using the traditional Western utensils.

Our entrees came out with a side order of naan, a thick hearty Indian bread to be eaten along with our meal. The bread was warm, soft and made an excellent addition to our dinner. I suppose one could use the bread as a kind of utensil when eating, though I merely dipped mine in the curry sauce.

My chicken curry was delicious, with tender moist chicken in a mild curry sauce over fresh basmati rice. There was a little too much cumin mixed in and not enough tomato for my liking. Tomato tends to add some color and thicken up the sauce, which was a bit runny. My only other complaints on this dish were that the rice itself tasted slightly dry and the order was fairly small for the 12 bucks I paid for it.

The chicken masala consisted of moist chunks of chicken cooked with egg, green peppers, tomatoes and potatoes in a curry sauce. Fellow masticator Brian comments, “This is excellent, though a bit dry. It made a good transition dish for those people new to Indian food.”

Nishanta found his hot chicken curry not nearly hot enough. He wanted me to tell all my Indian readers that if they need an ego boost to come to the Indian Oven and order the hot dishes. While I personally found the spicy items here quite spicy enough, readers with a special affinity for spicy food might find them bland in comparison.

All in all, while the food at the Indian Oven was decent, the slow service, cramped atmosphere and horrendous prices keep me from recommending this restaurant to others. Honestly, you could eat for days on High Street for the price of one meal here. Dinner for two will run you between $40 and $50.

A note to all my readers: During finals week I’d like to run a column with reader stories. If you’ve got a funny, touching, or absolutely disgusting story that involves dining out please e-mail it to me and I’ll run them that last week. Please be sure to include your name.

Hank Mylander is a junior in information systems from Westerville. All questions and concerns can be e-mailed to [email protected].