John Cooper was an inspiration. Why oh why did we fire him? He was a beautiful symbol of all that is right and good about Ohio State. His values were our values; his glories our glories. This university may have fired the man, but what he stood for still remains.Even Big Al, journeying on a mission of peace in Australia, writes that the Sydney sports pages are filled with news of Cooper’s sack. Imagine! Half a world away, the eyes of crocodile-wrestlers and boomerang-throwers are upon us. Chip Waddle, the Melbourne Herald sports editor writes: “The ‘fire the bum’ attitude which has taken root in Columbus, Ohio has ultimately become a self-fulfilling prophesy, mate. Robbed of slavish devotion, the Coop has never been free to be his own man.”Harmon K. predicts that someday soon Ohio State will rue its hasty decision to make a squealing, bleeding scapegoat out of Good ole’ John. That’s because Cooper was a good recruiter. Now a lot of people have been saying: “Sure Cooper may have been a good recruiter, but he can’t win ball games.” That’s a load of malarkey. Recruiting is the basis of a successful team. Without recruiting, Ohio State would have nothing but a football team of scrawny computer geeks and frat boy ex-jocks who “played some ball” back at (1-13) Hilliard Davidson. High school prospects like the Herculean Jesse Kline of state-champion Upper Arlington wouldn’t give OSU a second glance. There was simply no better recruiter in the history of the world than Coop.According to sources within the football squad, Cooper’s suave charm convinced them to attend a frozen, Columbus campus rather than a bikini-clad paradise in Florida. That, and the promises of handicap parking passes, free sex and black Dodge Durangos for starters. Did I forget to mention the “get out of jail free” passes to any star middle-linebackers caught speeding and drunk on Cannon Drive in foresaid Dodge Durango?As long as foresaid middle-linebacker can get into the NFL in 3 years, it’s all good. OSU football should be concentrating on getting the students lots of money. That’s what Coop was concentrating on before “Brit” supported the decision of Cooper to be fired. Andy Geiger says Coop has to leave for the “good of the university,” but John’s departure undermines the highest purpose this university has – to make lots of money.But don’t take the word of a lowly, world-famous newspaper columnist. The players, who knew Cooper the best, are uniformly outraged at the imminent departure of their sugar-daddy. An anonymous 0.00 grade point average wide receiver who missed the Outback Bowl due to a Michigan conspiracy, said: “I love Coop. He made me as smart as I am today. He taught me everything he knows. He didn’t even say anything when I was out partying with that chick the night before the big exam.”What John Cooper stands for will remain a part of Ohio State long after his head has shriveled to a blackened husk on the city gate. It will take more than a knee-jerk reaction to erase the culture of easy academic standards for athletes, exorbitant salaries, elevation of wealthy alumni over students and political influence-peddling in Coop’s old stadium.The university community has not yet realized it can’t eat its cake and have it too. Cooper’s brilliance lay in the fact that he recognized that crafting a unified, dedicated team that could come together under the pressure of a Michigan or bowl game was utterly incompatible with the trash-talking, lawsuit-filing, big money culture that the players and the NFL require. The Brothers Vred say props to the trash-talk and wish Cooper success wherever he goes. There are a lot of schools that could use a bit of Coop’s golden touch: Nebraska and Florida St. come to mind. Last Tuesday is a day that will live in infamy. Anybody remember the last time Ohio State fired a “good-recruiting” coach of a criminal, arrogant program? It was 1997, and OSU basketball has never recovered. God, I miss Randy Ayers.
Harmon K. Vredeveld is a dental student inspired by the ghost of Woody Hayes. Big Al is on assignment in Australia. Visit the brothers at www.whipworm.com.