The 45th annual Grammy Award nominees were announced recently, and I would like to offer my imput as to who some of the winners should be.
Here are my predictions for a few of the more important categories:
The Album of the Year award will be no contest. Nominees include “Home” by the Dixie Chicks, “The Eminem Show” by Eminem, “Come Away With Me” by Norah Jones, “Nellyville” by Nelly, and “The Rising” by Bruce Springsteen.
The breakdown for this category goes like this:
The Dixie Chicks used to be kind of good looking, but then they all got pregnant. So they won’t win.
Eminem should be doing 25 to life as we speak for giving people the option to listen to his music.
Who is Norah Jones?
Bruce Springsteen has had a good career, plus he was born in the U.S.A., but unfortunately those things won’t get the Boss a trip to Nellyville anytime soon.
Nelly accepts the Album of the year Award wearing nothing but his Air Force Ones, because he had to take his clothes off due to the extreme heat inside of Madison Square Garden.
The nominees for Song of the Year included “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne, “Don’t Know Why” by Norah Jones, “The Rising” by Bruce Springsteen, “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton and “Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)” by Alan Jackson.
Are you kidding me? These are the five best songs of the year?
I’ll going out on a limb here and predict the award will go to write-in nominee, Afroman, for his song, “Because I Got High,” because the Grammy voters have obviously been smoking some of those left-handed cigarettes.
The last real category I’ll predict is Best New Artist.
The nominees include Avril Lavigne, Michelle Branch, Ashanti, John Mayer and everyone’s favorite, Norah Jones.
I guess this was a really slow year.
I’ll go ahead and give this one to Norah Jones just because I’ve never seen her, and I’ve heard rumors that she has a beard, wears an eye patch and has a hook for one of her hands. That’s just what I’ve heard.
The following are my predictions for some of the lesser-known categories that are typically handed out prior to the show, generally unknown to television viewers.
The Grammy award for Best Deceased Artist Who Keeps Dropping Hits will undoubtedly go to Tupac Shakur.
He’s been dead for 23 years, but his new single, “Thugz Mansion,” just went gold.
Everyone will be surprised by this year’s winners of the Best Fashion Trend by a Group or Duo.
It won’t be No Doubt, N’Sync or U2, but it will be Kriss Kross.
The two members of Kriss Kross, who are now in their mid 40s, refuse to stop wearing their clothes backwards, and I think it’s going to catch back on. Plus those guys are totally crossed out and wiggidy-wiggidy-wiggidy-whack.
There is no surprise however, in this next category.
This year’s Grammy winner as Pimp of Tha Year goes to none other than Mr. Snoop Do-double G.
With his mind constantly on his money, and his money constantly on his mind, this 10-time winner of the award still manages to squeeze in a little time for what we all know ain’t easy. Fo Shizzle!
Finally, in a category that is too close to call, we have a three-way tie.
For the category of People We Most Like to See Drop it Like it’s Hot, the winners are Shakira, JLo, and anyone who has ever been in a Cash Money, Sir-Mix-A lot, Wreckx-N-Effect or Jay-Z video.
These are my predictions, and I’m sticking to them.
Erik Bussa is a junior in agricultural journalism and can be reached for comment at [email protected].
