Halloween…hmmm. It is not until next week but already it is getting to me.

It is one of those so-called “holidays” that I am wondering about that even have the merit to be called such days, like the American celebration of St. Patrick’s Day or Columbus Day (which by the way, it is preposterous to even celebrate this day, we all know – or should know – Columbus did not discover much of anything, let alone America or its indigenous inhabitants).

I am 22-years-old and under the thinking that, as a college kid yet to enter true adulthood, grown men and women should probably leave this annual celebratory occasion to the kids – the young kids.

I say this for a few reasons.

First, the whole premise of dressing up for candy and showing off for other people is a children’s activity. I mean, really? I understand getting excited so you can go and get actual food items that your parents prohibit for the other 363 days of the year (do not forget Easter). I don’t know about you, but I am 22 and I eat whatever the hell I want to eat. Now mind you, having said that, I do follow a fairly regimented diet, but that is beside the point.

Showing off your costume was fun in middle school and high school, when you could parade around the halls that particular day. And I know sometimes, you would get cookies, cupcakes and punch (which I still happen to enjoy). Now that is what I call a real motive for looking ridiculous. But paying money out of your pocket, to go to a party and get totally wasted – on top of looking like a moron with a bunch of other similarly dressed cretins? I just do not see the fun. Maybe drunken sex is a possibility, but the thought of incoherent copulation does not move me either.

Honestly, this is the only time of the year where people want to be frightened, like that is going to put pep in your step walking to your car on a dark street in October. This is so stupid – America makes such a big deal about ghosts and goblins and such, but it is really not worth it to me. What makes this even crazier is that Halloween itself is traditionally a day to ward off evil spirits. I do not know about you, but in the context of its history being a monster or representing any other negative paranormal entity does not really get me enthused either (then again, I was Michael Jackson when I was 9-years-old, so I should probably retract that statement).

Perhaps Halloween should adopt the Latino holiday Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) as a celebratory affair. In Mexico, Spain and throughout the South and Central American countries, the Day of the Dead is a way to commemorate deceased loved ones and is a happy day. In those places, people have parades and eat more roast beast than the Whos in “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” At least there is a point to all the uproar.

Halloween is not even something I would remember if not for the ubiquitous commercials telling me I can watch Freddy, Jason and Mike Myers marathons for an entire month before they are even relevant. It is a big sham to get people into the mood to annually spend thousands of dollars for Christmas, which apparently was why Christ died for all of humanity, according to Hasbro, Mattel and the Xbox developers at Microsoft.

Regardless of these reasons, for anyone stepping out for a Halloween party next week, I say “have fun, be safe and watch your drink.” And do not think I will not be wearing a special outfit for the occasion – I will just be opting to dress up as Sandy Dover for the day.

I would like to see how many people choose that for Halloween.

Sandy Dover is a senior in journalism. He can be reached at [email protected].