This is part of a weekly series called “Pop Opinions” where The Lantern offers its take on the week’s pop culture news.
Jay and Bey still drunk in love
Anyone who has chanced upon Twitter or Tumblr in the past week has likely seen the adorable family photos of Beyoncé and Jay Z’s recent trip to the Louvre, and it is my guess that anyone who has seen those photos was undoubtedly and unequivocally smitten by the sheer adorability of the Knowles-Carter family.
And yet, for some profoundly moronic reason, the couple remains shrouded in ridiculous allegations of an impending divorce.
I’ll be the first to admit that I love entertainment news. Correction: I live for it. I gushed over Blake Lively’s pregnancy announcement. I cried over bottomless mugs of hot cocoa as I read the heartbreaking updates on the breakup between Jason Derulo and Jordin Sparks and I am counting down the minutes until T-Swift’s next album drops.
But my one complaint about our beloved entertainment world is its seemingly incessant need to “throw rocks at things that shine” (yes, those are stolen lyrics from a Taylor Swift song).
I’ve never been a huge fan of Beyoncé. I like her, but I don’t understand the worship she receives on social media. In spite of that, even I can see that she and Jay Z are happy, and I am baffled as to why pop culture “journalists” insist upon tearing away that happiness. The divorce rumors are unfounded, and, to be frank, they’re stupid. I mean, do the people that write these fictional articles watch the VMAs? My God, Queen Bey literally stopped the entire awards ceremony for like an hour and a half to tell the entire world how much she loved her family.
OK, it was more like five minutes, and she spent half of that time preaching about feminism, but it definitely felt like much longer.
(On a side note, can I just say that I have been to the Louvre, and there is absolutely no way that Jay and Bey should have gotten that close to the Mona Lisa without tear gas or a SWAT team — talk about special privilege!)
Cute baby, weird name
Anyhow, while we’re on the topic of families, “That ‘70s Show” stars Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher recently welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world. Unfortunately, they decided to give their daughter the less-than-beautiful name “Wyatt.” I can’t figure it out. Perhaps they thought: “Our daughter is so stinkin’ cute that it just ain’t fair. Let’s name her after an old man to level the playing field!”
Maybe it’s just me, but when I hear the name Wyatt, I think of a 65-year-old Goodyear repairman wearing a navy blue jumpsuit and a grungy tool belt that hangs halfway to his knees.
But I shouldn’t complain. The couple could’ve named her after “That ‘70s Show” co-star Wilmer Valderrama.
I sincerely hope she stays cute.
‘Gone Girl’ out of this world
Finally, “Gone Girl.” Let’s talk about “Gone Girl.”
It’s crazy. It’s downright, alarmingly, stupidly, unbelievably crazy. And I loved every second of it.
Without giving anything away, the movie is about Nick Dunne, a deadbeat husband/bar owner (played by Ben Affleck) and the disappearance of his beautiful blonde wife (Rosamund Pike).
Of course, a plot as simple as that wouldn’t be very interesting, but it would be impossible for me to say more without giving away the many mysteries of the mind-blowing plot.
So instead, I’ll tell you about Ben Affleck.
I’ve never really liked Ben Affleck. I’ve always thought his acting was a little moody and boring, and I’ve always found that mole on his right cheek to be more than a little distracting.
“Gone Girl” changed my mind. Affleck plays a man who might or might not be responsible for kidnapping, killing or who-knows-what-ing his wife (you’ll have to watch the movie to learn for yourself).
And yet, I found myself rooting for him. His character is emotionless, selfish and, yes, moody and boring. But he plays it so,so well. He plays it so well that you almost forget about that mole on his cheek.
Despite the film’s admittedly excessive length and a cliché (and completely unnecessary) scene in which Dunne undresses for a shower, I’m expecting the movie will win a number of awards, and Affleck will replace Ryan Gosling, Channing Tatum and Brad Pitt as leading man in virtually every Hollywood movie for the next 2 1/2 years.
What I’m saying is that if you haven’t watched “Gone Girl,” go watch “Gone Girl.”