What I am about to write may come as a shock to many of you, mostly males. So perhaps you should take a seat.

When girls go out to a party or a bar or a club and they aren’t with any guys, it does not always mean they want some drunken dude to walk up behind them and start gyrating on their back. It also doesn’t necessarily mean they want a whole bunch of guys who aren’t brave enough to try to dance with them to sit and stare, make catcalls or get that smirk on their faces that lets you know they are mentally undressing you at that very moment.

I, for one, love to go out and have a good time with my friends. We all love to dance and will try to start doing so in pretty much any situation. None of us are the typical drunken college girl wearing a dress that was meant to be a shirt and dancing on any pole available. In fact, it’s a rare occasion to find me out in something other than jeans and a T-shirt.

But still, it’s never long before guys reeking of alcohol start to linger around my group of friends. I feel like I’m watching an Animal Planet special about vultures circling around searching for prey. Do guys really just come to parties so they can wander through the crowd until they find a girl hot enough or drunk enough to approach?

I’m not sure which is worse-the guy staring, open-mouthed and satisfied just watching or the guy who grabs you by the hip and starts pounding his crotch into you at full force without even asking if you’re interested.

The former is simply creepy. It’s true that actions speak louder than words, and staring is one of those actions. Being watched by guys like the last swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated is demeaning and creepy. I try to keep myself from thinking about what those guys are imagining while staring, although it’s hard to think of anything that’s not disgusting.

For example, last weekend a group of three girls including myself were at a party dancing and enjoying ourselves. In fact, we were even at this party with two other guys. But while we were dancing, one guy stood a foot away from us and blatantly stared. It got to the point where one of my guy friends asked him if he had a problem before he finally walked away, only to stop just short of another group of girls and become a spectator.

Then there’s the guys who actually make the move. I hesitate to say that they are braver than the “watchers,” because being brave seems like a compliment. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say they have a bigger ego-they are more confident in their popped collar and sideways baseball cap. Often these guys are more drunk, which apparently also increases self-confidence.

These guys were all I ran into at the bars on spring break. They walk up behind you, wrap their arm around your waist and start pumping their pelvis into you, trying desperately to find the beat and hope you will do all the work. It doesn’t matter if you say no, and sometimes it doesn’t matter if you give your friends the look that screams “help me!” and have them pull you away.

Some of us have boyfriends and some of us are single, but the bottom line is that none of us go out looking to be treated like an object for some guy’s pleasure.

So guys, some words of advice. Don’t stare. Ask a girl if she’s interested before you just assume. I know when you’re drunk it might be hard to remember. I also know that plenty of girls reading this will probably disagree and hope I haven’t warded off hormone-driven boys forever.

But for those of us who would appreciate a little bit of warning, just ask.

Kelly McDonald can be reached at [email protected].