It’s everywhere. Women claim, “That’s sexual harassment, and I don’t have to take it.” The business world has been turned on its ear because of the woman’s entrance into the corporate world.

Our schools have become a shadow of their former presence because of women and their desire to be “equal.” I won’t even begin to discuss the effect of women on our military. Women are equal but in their own way.

Because of the invention of the female executive, many corporations have fallen victim to lawsuits where the “victim” claims her boss made sexist, demeaning remarks, making her incapable of working in that environment.

Women of America: I would like to know how a copped feel or an invitation to a private party with your boss makes you incapable of working in that company.

The truth is, you are a woman and should be prepared for such comments. You women spent centuries barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, where you ought to be. Women should not be running the world.

Beyond the fact that women have polluted the workplace by moving past positions in the secretarial pools and phone operator services, they have also weakened our higher education by demanding to be allowed to join the same schools which men have attended for decades, if not centuries.

Shannon Faulkner, the first woman to enroll at the Citadel, destroyed a tradition of an all-male institution more than 150 years old. Now, the Citadel has to provide separate facilities for men and women so both sexes can live and attend school there without having to infringe upon each other’s privacy.

What I can’t understand is why a woman would want to go to a military school in the first place. Women belong at home, raising the family and cooking and cleaning the house for their husbands.

Going to school and fighting in the military are men’s jobs. No one expects a man to put on an apron and take care of the household’s needs.

Women claim these “advancements” in women’s rights are needed to make men and women equal. What they don’t realize is men and women are already equal.

Just like women should not fight in the military, men shouldn’t be asked to raise the family.

Men have their own responsibilities like being the family’s breadwinner; a man should not be asked to cook because he is too busy fixing the plumbing in the sink or working on the car.

I call upon our city, state and national governments to pass laws forbidding women to be active members of public society, outside of such tasks as being part of the local PTA.

It should be unlawful for women to leave the house without an ankle-length skirt with a full petticoat underneath.

By limiting women to the tasks of wife and mother, the educational system can spend its time and money on the true creators of new technology and ideas: men.

If men weren’t the greatest academic geniuses around, then why are the overwhelming majority of all our books on science and philosophy written by men?

By making the masculinization of women illegal, America can retain its moral superiority over the rest of the world. Women need to stay in the house, take care of the kids and prepare the meals for the family.

Men can’t do that; it is beneath them to do such feminine tasks. Women and men have their respective jobs, and women should respect that.

Men have only crossed over to do women’s jobs when forced to by women. Women don’t want to deal with sexual harassment? Good. Go back to the kitchen.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This piece is not to be taken seriously in any respect. It is a satirical column written in support of women’s rights, and it is certainly not a blatant attack.

Matthew Sheinberg

The Daily Cougar (U. Houston)