Dear Ashley,
I recently went on a short recreational excursion to Philadelphia with two friends. One night, we went to an authentic Vietnamese restaurant and we were not given forks. My two companions are adept at using chopsticks, but I am not and I requested a fork from our waiter. The waiter rolled his eyes, and my friends were embarrassed and I heard about it all night. Who was correct?
– Forks Are Fine For Me.
Dear FAFFM,
You are correct. The last time I checked, restaurants were part of the “service industry.” It was very impolite of your waiter to roll his eyes. Even if your request had been unreasonable (and it wasn’t), it is not your server’s job to be sarcastic or to admonish you, especially with rude facial gestures. It is his job to assist you and make you feel comfortable and welcome.
Instead of feeling embarrassed, your friends should have felt angry that you were receiving hostile service. In any event, no matter what they felt, they should have kept their opinions to themselves.
It is always good to learn about other cultures. To educate yourself on others’ customs and ways is charming and proper, especially if you know you will have an opportunity to use them. For instance, if you frequent that restaurant again, practice using chopsticks before you go. Or if you study abroad, it would be proper for you to practice using chopsticks. Philadelphia is in Pennsylvania, and Pennsylvania isn’t abroad.
Dear Ashley,
Recently, I organized a get- together for my best friend’s birthday at a restaurant. I called everyone, made the reservation, etc. About 20 people showed up at different times, and we all ordered different things. Some people left earlier than the rest of us, who stayed and continued to celebrate. The people who left first left their part of the bill with me because we were all on one check. When the time came to pay, chaos ensued. Apparently the first people didn’t leave enough money and the remaining people argued over who owed what. I feel I had to pay more than I owed. What do I do?
– Broke Over Birthday
Dear BOB,
Unfortunately, there is not much you can do. Several aspects of this soiree were improperly handled. First, if people are invited to a party at a restaurant, the host should foot the entire bill. You can’t possibly afford to pay for 20 of your best friend’s nearest and dearest to drink and be merry on your meager income of seasonal work at The Gap? Poor you. Quit throwing parties.
It is true that it is unreasonable for the host to pay for everything if the host had to sell his plasma to buy textbooks last quarter. The host should get his head out of the clouds and his friends out of the restaurant. This is why they sell cake mixes and malt liquor.
In all seriousness, if you cannot afford to pay for everything, scale down the party. Invite five friends and throw it with a co-host. Have it at home. Serve Diet Coke and oyster crackers. It is uncomfortable to argue about money in public and catastrophes like the above can occur. I’m sure the friend whose birthday it was felt extremely uncomfortable that his or her birthday was the source of hard feelings.
Lastly, if you do run with a progressive circle and the bill is split, leave at least what you owe. If your party comes up short of the entire amount, throw in a few extra dollars and consider it a sacrifice to the etiquette gods.
Ashley Hoffman is a senior in English. She can be reached for questions and comments at [email protected].
