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Album review: ‘Super Collider’ causes Megadeth to become Megadead to fans

542248706-1Megadeth is Megadead.

This is not Megadeth. The Megadeth I know is like a shot of molten lava to the eardrum. The Megadeth I know could wake up a coma patient before proceeding to mercilessly melt his face off.

No, the band’s new album, released Tuesday, is something else entirely.

“Super Collider,” the band’s 14th album, brings absolutely nothing new to the table. From start to finish it’s just one boring hard rock turd after another. This is officially the loudest album I’ve ever dozed off to.

It’s really unbelievable how Megadeth has devolved into such a state of pitiful irrelevancy. Under the direction of Dave Mustaine, the band’s founder and frontman, Megadeth has effectively scrubbed off all the qualities that made it so great to begin with—the wicked ferocity, the raw energy, the unrelenting speed and precision—all gone. What we’re left with is a bundle of lifeless rock songs that could’ve been written by a monkey on sleeping pills. Not to mention the horrendous, corny lyrics, which were apparently devised by throwing darts at a spinning wheel of heavy metal clichés.

I so desperately want the old Megadeth back. Albums like “Killing Is My Business… And Business Is Good!” (1985) and “Rust in Peace” (1990) have an exuberant madness to them that make you just want to reach out and punch someone in the face (go to a good metal show and you’ll see that’s a pretty common way to express appreciation).

But this album simply has no place in this century. Thirty years after practically inventing thrash metal, Megadeth now finds itself content surfing in its own wake. Far from its history of blazing trails in the world of speed metal, the band has inexplicably backpedaled into the realm of lazy, irrelevant hard rock crap that only your friend’s middle-aged, alcoholic stepdad listens to anymore, like KISS and most of Black Sabbath.

Megadeth in its truest form is like PCP-laced Red Bull for the soul, and I know Mustaine must still have that spark glowing inside him somewhere. But that chapter of history appears to be closed forever, as “Super Collider” is the musical equivalent to a tall glass of warm Nyquil.

Warning: Avoid listening to this album while driving or operating heavy machinery.

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