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Sex Talk: Speak up (or not) in bed

Hello! If you read Sex Talk last week, you’ll remember that we talked about being sexy to attract your crush. So now, let’s say you guys take it to the bedroom (or wherever). I have some advice to give on how to “be sexy” when you and your partner get some Special Alone Time — and it is shockingly similar to the advice I gave last week.

A lot of people, especially those who are new to having sex or have not had it yet, tend to be worried about embarrassing themselves during the Trial of Love Making.

“What if I make a weird noise?” “What if don’t make any noise?”

First of all, chill out.

Second of all, just remember that everyone’s different. Sex doesn’t have to look like pornography, and in fact, it typically does not. If you’re naturally quiet in bed, that’s okay! My only word of advice is if you are naturally quiet, do not feel like you should try to be loud because it likely will not turn out well. Alternatively, if you naturally are very vocal, that is fine too! Basically, just go with what feels natural when it comes to this.

While we’re on this subject, please, please, please do not fake orgasms. It doesn’t help you, and it certainly doesn’t help your partner. If they aren’t doing it right, do not be afraid to show them how. And you can do this without making yourself or your partner feel embarrassed.

You can just tap them on the shoulder (or whatever’s closest) and say something like “Hey, can you try ___?”, or even something as simple as “A little to the left.” Alternatively, don’t feel bad if someone gives you some polite instructions. It doesn’t mean that you’re a sex failure, and it’s also more than okay to ask your partner if you are hitting their right spots. Communication is a beautiful thing.

Sex should be fun for both parties, so show each other the ropes and give each other the ground rules before you get into it. If you haven’t figured out the ropes yourself, figure it out with them, just please don’t make them feel like they’re doing a good job if they are not. There is just no good reason to, and I promise you’ll have a much better time if you don’t.

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