If somebody would have told me a couple years ago that I would have a column in the Lantern, I would not have had trouble believing it. After all, it’s not brain surgery. Give a monkey a typewriter and a couple of years, and even he could come up with something halfway readable. If that same person would have told me that in one of my columns I would be discussing the media coverage of the penis of the President of the United States of America, I would have asked them what they were smoking; and then proceeded to bum some. But, sadly, this is what it has come to. This is what the American people want to know about. Out of all the illegal and unethical dealings in Washington, this is the one thing that the media and the American people focus on. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, let me give you the scoop. Paula Jones has said over and over that she could prove that Clinton exposed himself to her because his penis has an identifying mark. Her lawyers recently let it out that the identifying mark is an affliction that causes the penis to bend a certain direction. We’re not talking about a normal bend. We’re talking about a couple degrees shy of 90 degrees. Great, now we know that not only is the president crooked, but so is his penis.I’m not going to dwell on Paula Jones or the fact that I believe Clinton did it. But what kind of idiot woman would go up to a strange man’s hotel room, politician or not, because she heard he wanted to offer her a job. Well he didn’t offer her a job, but he definitely tried to give her a position on his staff (his bent staff). This is as bad as the bimbo who hangs all over male celebrities or athletes at a bar because of who they are. She then goes back to their room with them, and then cries and acts like a victim when they attack her and try to force her to have sex. What the hell did she think would happen? They’d take her back to their room and show her their stamp collection? Anyway, what jerks my chain (no pun intended) is that last week you couldn’t read or watch the news without experts and news people talking about the presidential penis. I might be wrong, but I think there are more important things going on in Washington; unfortunately the American people don’t care about these things. They’re not interested in the illegal campaign contributions, nor the total disregard for the law exhibited by the White House, nor the way tapes or files mysteriously appear months after the White House staff denied they even existed. The average American person either doesn’t know about these things or doesn’t care. Granted the whole Washington situation does seem hopeless. Both parties are running amok and it looks like things will never change. Well they won’t, unless people start paying attention and giving a damn. The politicians continue to do these things because they know Americans are not paying attention. The people breaking the laws are the ones in charge of changing the law; so unless they are forced to, why in the hell would they want to change the laws?We have become a nation of ostriches. The only things that bring our heads out of the ground is the occasional death of a celebrity, a sensationalized murder trial, or “important” news items such as Marv Albert’s weird sexual behavior or the president’s bent penis. Real news no longer matters. So can we please get off the president’s bent penis (figuratively speaking) and concentrate on the more important issues at hand? There’s a lot of funny business going on at the White House. The President and his people are definitely doing things not quite legal. More importantly, he’s not the first politician to do illegal things, and if the American people don’t start paying attention and taking an interest, he definitely won’t be the last.
Anthony can be reached at [email protected]
