When I sat down to write this (which was probably my first mistake because I think better on my feet) I wanted to say something about guilt. Not guilt in the O.J. sense, but guilt in the why-I-call-my-mom-once-a-day sense.You see I’ve been raised Catholic, including eight years in an indoctrination center (grade school), so guilt is natural to me as the rising and (more appropriately) setting of the sun. When you add to this formative years with a single father, two stepparents, a martyr complex and an overactive sense of self awareness, you get more repression than a bus full of novices outside a Chippendale’s show.I saw the Archbishop of Cincinnati at my little brother’s Confirmation last weekend. His homily focused on the three “g’s” (No, not Gee, Geiger and Griffin) of adult Catholic Christians; gladness, gratitude and generosity. I sat there and thought the fourth one should be guilt. Catholicism has never been accused of being progressive in thought about obligations to the Church in every facet of an adult’s life.Guilt is not an easy thing to pin down. Sure, I know when I feel it, what I feel it about and who is good at giving it to me. Those are not things that might fill a column (Although that laundry list might be interesting to a couple of you).Guilt is a natural response to certain things, and can be a motivating factor for some people to do some things. As a motivational tool guilt is like playing with fire, it can get quickly and destructively out of control. Sometimes guilt is inflicted unintentionally. The truth can cause guilty feelings. This is not necessarily a bad thing but dwelling on it can be consuming, like a flame.Feeling guilty is different than feeling responsible for a negative thing. Negative things happen, we cause them everyday. Guilt is circular thinking at its worst, the old downward spiral, selfish and sedimentary. You can bury yourself in it or you can stand on top of it. Intent and focus are key to the guilt equation, both at the time of the act and afterwards when guilt may start. Guilty intentions lead to guilty feelings. If I wrong someone I should feel guilty about it, if I meant to do it. For instance, in a recent column I based the entire message on a certain Seventies song lyric. Well as I was listening to WNCI Seventies Saturday night The Captain and Tenille came on. To my shock and dismay, instead of singing “Open your heart and let love, keep us together, forever.” as I had written in the column. Tenille belted out “Look in my heart and let love keep us together, whatever.” I was crushed. The column hinged on the word open and it’s not even in the damn song. At first, I felt guilty, but then I realized my mistake was not intentional and no one caught it so I didn’t dwell on it.I was able to escape guilt (this time) because it was not an intentional blight and I chose not to dwell on the effects of it.So now you are all saying, we’ve read your crap before, isn’t this the part where you give us some simple sounding charge that is almost impossible to implement. Well, yes it is. Basically, when dealing with guilt, act like a twelve-stepper and “name it (guilt), claim it (it’s mine!) and drop it (C ya!)” Look and you’ll see it, but stare at it and you’ll go blind.
Packy Moran is a junior from a Catholic ghetto in Dayton, trying to guilt his way into the Journalism school.
